Sunday, November 11, 2012

HALO 4: A GUIDE TO NOT SUCKING ON LEGENDARY

 
I know I promised you all some witty and hilarious oilfield jokes, and if you were holding you're breath in anticipation, you're probably dead. I turns out there may be some issues with taking pictures of proprietary equipment and posting them to the Smoking Nerd.  Although I wouldn't be too upset, I'm not ready to get fired yet.
 
Fortunetely, this has allowed me to shift gears to something even more awesome and nerdly, Halo 4. I've only played online a few times due to awful, slightly better than dial-up internet on drill rigs, so my insight there is limited. However, I have played the holy shit out the campaign, and that is what I want to focus on. And I'm not going to talk about the story or awesome graphics, or the fun special ops missions. No, I am going to focus on getting you that nasty solo legendary achievement. Halo 4 is widely thought to have the toughest legendary campaign of any of the Halo games thus far, so a few tips couldn't hurt.
 
I made my way through the first 3 levels of the campaign on legendary this morning, and have come up with a few nifty pointers on staying alive. Just remember that it takes some skill, you're going to die a lot no matter what, and that mostly it takes time. But nerds do it better, so follow these tips and you'll get through.
 
1. Possibly the most important: keep you're distance whenever possible. This is why number 2 below is also incredibly important. If you're the kind of player that HAS to run in guns blazing in you're face kill everything fuck damn......you're gonna die. Over and over and over until you're eyes bleed and you smash you're third controller against the wall. Keeping your distance has a number of benefits. You can more easily keep track of where the enemies are, you can more easily dodge projectiles, and you can more easily take cover to get you're shields back up. Usually enemies won't pursue if you stay far enough back, so stay in cover and pick them bitches off.
 
2. Weapon selection. Have a mid-long range weapon at all times. This goes with number one. You're life will be much easier if you can stay away from close range fights. Again, this isn't always possible, but when it is, use this approach. Keeping a mid to long range weapon will enable you to do this. The BR, LR, DMR, and carbine all work well. Sniper rifles, beam rifles, etc are great when you can get them. However, you have to ration ammo for all these weapons carefully, especially UNSC weapons. Headshots are a must. Turning on the grunt birthday party skull is a good way make sure you're getting headshots on grunts. My prefered loadout is a mid to long range rifle, plus a power weapon when I can get one, an automatic when I can't. Fuel rod cannons are literally everywhere when you fight covenent, so make use of them. Also, before moving on to the next fight, look long and hard around you for any good weapon drops, or any other good weapons 343i hid around the battlefield. If all else fails against elites, go to the good ol' noob combo. PP's are all over the place, and with the headshot weapon you should already have, this is a good way to save ammo and take care of shielded baddies (note this does not work as well on knights or prometheans in general for some reason).
 
 
3. Order of death. While it's tempting to just start blasting bad guys as soon as you see them, take a brief second to determine who poses the biggest threat, and kill them first. You're first priority should be any bad guys attempting to break your bubble (ie. any baddies attempting to rush you). Once you've established yourself a safe distance from the enemy, start by picking off any snipers. Jackals with beam rifles or crawlers/knights with binary rifles can take down your shields or kill you with one shot. Next look for any bad guys rockin power weapons. A grunt with a fuel rod cannon can kill you much faster at range than an elite or knight with a short or medium range weapon. Once you've taken care of any baddies that can kill you with one or two hits, start mopping up, again keeping as much distance as you can. When fighting prometheans, the watchers have to die first. They will shield other prometheans when their shields are down, throw your grenades back, spawn new enemies, and just be generally annoying.
 
 
4. Keep your cool. There are plenty of moments of frustration, and it doesn't matter how good you are, you're going to die, and you're going to want to stab a baby. Don't. Playing conservatively and taking it slow can help you progress, but even then, there are going to be times when you work the baddies for 20 minutes just to have the last asshole grunt with a needler come up from behind you and turn you into a pincushion. Take it as a lesson that you need watch out for that next time, and get back at it. If it stops being fun, you should probably take a break. The whole point of playing legendary is to prove you're a badass, and badasses always have fun killing shit.
 
 
So remember, shun the shotgun, snag the sniper, have fun, don't get too frustrated, and remember, you're a nerd, you do it better.

 

Thursday, November 1, 2012

G4's untimely demise: A eulogy

  Hello lovely nerdlings. I write today to discuss my feelings on the recent news of the intended cancellation of Attack of the Show and of X-play and the future re-branding of G4 the channel that was there for us before we knew we needed it.

  To say this upsets me is a bit of an under statement. I loved G4 since I first discovered it in my sophomore year of high school. That was about 2005 and the first show I saw on it was this crazy piece of fantastic in where a man traveled around the different MMO universes that were popular then and ran into kooky characters and had funny adventures. It was called Portal and I immediately fell in love with the entire channel. Shows like Blister, Pulse, Cinematek which just showed sweet cut scenes from video games. Filter, G4tv.com, and the list goes on of all the amazing programming that existed back then. I would leave my TV on  that channel for hours and hours because it was a constant confirmation that there was a whole group of people who were just like me and got what I was into and why.

  But as we all know that version of G4 wasn't long for this world and the changes came quickly and harshly. At first it was cool, the merge with techtv gave G4 X-play with its campy goofy sense of humor and award winning reviews I ate that up. But then all the programming I loved started to fall away thanks to the change in channel presidents that occurred.. It started replacing my shows with Cops and Cheaters and stupid crap only self-hating uneducated nerds would trouble themselves with. But I held on because at the end of the day there was Attack of the Show (formerly screen savers) and X-play. The heart and soul you might say but then they either lost or threw away the hearts of those shows with the loss of Adam Sessler (arguably the greatest name in video game journalism) and Kevin Pereira the hilarious tech genius. I don't fear for those gentleman, its obvious they knew enough to abandon a sinking ship but I weep for the network that used to be. It is not my G4 anymore and it hasn't been for awhile. But god it burned brightly in its time like a Nexus 6.

   So now they have cancelled the two last bits of that glorious time and are turning the channel into an "upscale sophisticated men's network".   FOOOLS! Who does that appeal to? Nobody is going to watch that! ...whatever they will soon learn a harsh lesson and that lesson simply is

Nerds Do It Better