HALO 4: A GUIDE TO NOT SUCKING ON LEGENDARY

 

I know I promised you all some witty and hilarious oilfield jokes, and if you were holding you're breath in anticipation, you're probably dead. I turns out there may be some issues with taking pictures of proprietary equipment and posting them to the Smoking Nerd.  Although I wouldn't be too upset, I'm not ready to get fired yet.

 

Fortunetely, this has allowed me to shift gears to something even more awesome and nerdly, Halo 4. I've only played online a few times due to awful, slightly better than dial-up internet on drill rigs, so my insight there is limited. However, I have played the holy shit out the campaign, and that is what I want to focus on. And I'm not going to talk about the story or awesome graphics, or the fun special ops missions. No, I am going to focus on getting you that nasty solo legendary achievement. Halo 4 is widely thought to have the toughest legendary campaign of any of the Halo games thus far, so a few tips couldn't hurt.

 

I made my way through the first 3 levels of the campaign on legendary this morning, and have come up with a few nifty pointers on staying alive. Just remember that it takes some skill, you're going to die a lot no matter what, and that mostly it takes time. But nerds do it better, so follow these tips and you'll get through.

 

1. Possibly the most important: keep you're distance whenever possible. This is why number 2 below is also incredibly important. If you're the kind of player that HAS to run in guns blazing in you're face kill everything fuck damn......you're gonna die. Over and over and over until you're eyes bleed and you smash you're third controller against the wall. Keeping your distance has a number of benefits. You can more easily keep track of where the enemies are, you can more easily dodge projectiles, and you can more easily take cover to get you're shields back up. Usually enemies won't pursue if you stay far enough back, so stay in cover and pick them bitches off.

 

2. Weapon selection. Have a mid-long range weapon at all times. This goes with number one. You're life will be much easier if you can stay away from close range fights. Again, this isn't always possible, but when it is, use this approach. Keeping a mid to long range weapon will enable you to do this. The BR, LR, DMR, and carbine all work well. Sniper rifles, beam rifles, etc are great when you can get them. However, you have to ration ammo for all these weapons carefully, especially UNSC weapons. Headshots are a must. Turning on the grunt birthday party skull is a good way make sure you're getting headshots on grunts. My prefered loadout is a mid to long range rifle, plus a power weapon when I can get one, an automatic when I can't. Fuel rod cannons are literally everywhere when you fight covenent, so make use of them. Also, before moving on to the next fight, look long and hard around you for any good weapon drops, or any other good weapons 343i hid around the battlefield. If all else fails against elites, go to the good ol' noob combo. PP's are all over the place, and with the headshot weapon you should already have, this is a good way to save ammo and take care of shielded baddies (note this does not work as well on knights or prometheans in general for some reason).

 

 

3. Order of death. While it's tempting to just start blasting bad guys as soon as you see them, take a brief second to determine who poses the biggest threat, and kill them first. You're first priority should be any bad guys attempting to break your bubble (ie. any baddies attempting to rush you). Once you've established yourself a safe distance from the enemy, start by picking off any snipers. Jackals with beam rifles or crawlers/knights with binary rifles can take down your shields or kill you with one shot. Next look for any bad guys rockin power weapons. A grunt with a fuel rod cannon can kill you much faster at range than an elite or knight with a short or medium range weapon. Once you've taken care of any baddies that can kill you with one or two hits, start mopping up, again keeping as much distance as you can. When fighting prometheans, the watchers have to die first. They will shield other prometheans when their shields are down, throw your grenades back, spawn new enemies, and just be generally annoying.

 

 

4. Keep your cool. There are plenty of moments of frustration, and it doesn't matter how good you are, you're going to die, and you're going to want to stab a baby. Don't. Playing conservatively and taking it slow can help you progress, but even then, there are going to be times when you work the baddies for 20 minutes just to have the last asshole grunt with a needler come up from behind you and turn you into a pincushion. Take it as a lesson that you need watch out for that next time, and get back at it. If it stops being fun, you should probably take a break. The whole point of playing legendary is to prove you're a badass, and badasses always have fun killing shit.

 

 

So remember, shun the shotgun, snag the sniper, have fun, don't get too frustrated, and remember, you're a nerd, you do it better.



 

G4's untimely demise: A eulogy

  Hello lovely nerdlings. I write today to discuss my feelings on the recent news of the intended cancellation of Attack of the Show and of X-play and the future re-branding of G4 the channel that was there for us before we knew we needed it.

  To say this upsets me is a bit of an under statement. I loved G4 since I first discovered it in my sophomore year of high school. That was about 2005 and the first show I saw on it was this crazy piece of fantastic in where a man traveled around the different MMO universes that were popular then and ran into kooky characters and had funny adventures. It was called Portal and I immediately fell in love with the entire channel. Shows like Blister, Pulse, Cinematek which just showed sweet cut scenes from video games. Filter, G4tv.com, and the list goes on of all the amazing programming that existed back then. I would leave my TV on  that channel for hours and hours because it was a constant confirmation that there was a whole group of people who were just like me and got what I was into and why.

  But as we all know that version of G4 wasn't long for this world and the changes came quickly and harshly. At first it was cool, the merge with techtv gave G4 X-play with its campy goofy sense of humor and award winning reviews I ate that up. But then all the programming I loved started to fall away thanks to the change in channel presidents that occurred.. It started replacing my shows with Cops and Cheaters and stupid crap only self-hating uneducated nerds would trouble themselves with. But I held on because at the end of the day there was Attack of the Show (formerly screen savers) and X-play. The heart and soul you might say but then they either lost or threw away the hearts of those shows with the loss of Adam Sessler (arguably the greatest name in video game journalism) and Kevin Pereira the hilarious tech genius. I don't fear for those gentleman, its obvious they knew enough to abandon a sinking ship but I weep for the network that used to be. It is not my G4 anymore and it hasn't been for awhile. But god it burned brightly in its time like a Nexus 6.

   So now they have cancelled the two last bits of that glorious time and are turning the channel into an "upscale sophisticated men's network".   FOOOLS! Who does that appeal to? Nobody is going to watch that! ...whatever they will soon learn a harsh lesson and that lesson simply is

Nerds Do It Better

The Return of Slywalker

Well, I'm back. After a lengthy hiatus I have finally returned to the realm of smoking nerds, or THE smoking nerd, or whatever this place is. Now before you raging hordes of readers leave a mile long comments thread expressing you're anger at my extended absence, let me explain. There comes a time in every man's life where he must choose between awesome and a pile of horse crap. Unfortunetely, the horse crap is what keeps one from living in a box behind the chinese food restaurant. I am of course, talking about full time employment. And I'm not talking about the 40 hours a week down at the ol' mill kind of full time. This is hard core, 12 hrs a day, fifteen days straight, literally living at work kind of shit. Survival was my main instinct upon arrival in this crazy world of heavy machines and rough ass dudes. I am of course talking about a land far from Nerd Paradise, the oilfield.

But, after eight months of working the aforementioned shitty ass hours, and going mildly insane in the mean time, I have finally decided that I need to bring back some of the awesome (to prevent or at least slow further mental anguish). And thus I have come up with a few new and hilarious ideas that I will be bringing to a computer screen near you. And free of charge since I will of course be writing while at work, and therefore getting paid anyway.

Keep an eye out for the latest and greatest from Slywalker and all the other great writers at the Smoking Nerd, and as always.....Nerds Do It Better yo.

Watch for Slywalker's next article:  Unintentional Sexual References and Why They Abound in the Oilfield

Nerd Love pt. IX

  Yo-ha my nerdy bro-has!
      Man oh man am I excited for you guys to read this pt of Nerd Love. I'm finally starting to get to the point where the story is reaching the climax and if all goes well it will be both heart warming and hilarious, at least to me. I think this is a really good part and I look forward to your compliments. On another note the 24 hr game marathon went off without a hitch despite the hallucinations and fear that I could be killed by sticky grenade all day the next day. I reached my goal and the sick kids at children's memorial are mildly comforted I'm sure. Well enjoy this section of Nerd Love and the premiere of Doctor Who this weekend as I surely will and remember

Nerds Do It Better

   Nerd Love pt. IX

( The next day at Gwen and Greg’s apartment. Greg is in the kitchen, Gwen is playing video games and Brent is moping on the couch)

Brent: SIGGH

Gwen: Shut. Up.

Brent: I came here for you to HELP me.

Greg: (from the kitchen) Help you with WHAT? Oh my name’s Brent, I have two gorgeous girls on the line, my gold plated game boy’s batteries are dead, and my huge dick won’t fit in my underwear.

Brent: …Gold plated Game boy?

Greg: I’ve always wanted one.

Gwen: He has pictures of them in his dream folder.

Brent:  hahaha Dream folder??

Greg: Shut. Up.

Brent: OK well that made me feel better, but seriously what do I do you guys.

Gwen: UUUgh..OK (she puts down the controller and turns to Brent) so let’s look at the facts, you said Casey makes you feel off.

Brent: Yeah but I don’t mean that negatively, she makes me feel off in the sense that she makes me feel like, I dunno I’m not good enough, not like I’m not good enough for her just that I could be better and she knows it.

Greg: yeah I got that vibe from her when she was here for dinner.

Brent: what?

Greg: Yeah, not in a negative way just that she expects a little more from you…maybe.

Gwen: That’s not necessarily a bad thing maybe she just thinks you’re capable of more. Maybe she wants to see you realize your full potential.

Brent: Am I not doing that?

Greg: Hey, you’re a self-employed writer making…money and a part owner of the best damn comic book store in the county. You’re doing fine.

Gwen: You could send your stuff out to more places maybe.

Brent: noted

Gwen: Ok, so there’s that. Now you also said that you find Dawn energizing.

Brent: I recall those feelings.

Gwen: So what’s more important to you, being pushed to excel or feeling energized?

Greg: In theory one could lead to the other.

Brent: I don’t feel like I’m being pushed to excel by Casey I also don’t know if the energy I get from Dawn is necessarily beneficial. It might be more like speed and less like B-12 vitamins.

Greg: So you feel judged around Casey and dangerously high around Dawn?

Brent: If you’re gonna get all REAL about it.

Gwen: (groan) this really isn’t that difficult Brent. I’m sure you have feelings for both of them just as I’m sure they would both be good for you in different ways. The question is which one do you care about the most? It’s not like you’d have to cut ties completely with the other one either, everyone could use more friends.

Greg: You especially.

Brent: Says one of said friends.

Greg: there is another option. You could do the bad ass thing and juggle two chicks until you sleep with both of them, preferably at the same time.

Brent: …that would never happen. Would it?

Gwen: I’m sure it would end up the same way as that time you tried to juggle swords.

Greg: His toe is completely healed.

Brent: I can bend it and everything. Well, as usual you guys have given me more questions than answers but you have given me some things to think about. I’ll see you guys tomorrow

(he gets up and leaves. Greg goes and sits next to Gwen who curls up next to him and places her head on his shoulder.)

Gwen: Who do you think he should end up with?

Greg: Honestly I don’t know. I think there both nice but I’m not sure either of them deserve it.

Gwen: Being juggled like “perfectly safe” swords?

Greg: No, the love of our man Brent.

(Brent is walking home and passes a park. It is dark and he stops on a bridge over a small stream looking contemplative. As he moves to leave a bike is coming across the bridge and hits him sending both him and the rider flying towards the same end of the bridge.)

Brent: What the FUCK! (he looks over at the rider who is a short, long-haired girl wearing torn up jeans and a T-shirt that reads “My other shirt is mythril”.) Hey are you OK?

Girl: Yeah I’m fine, that was my fault I was trying to text, drink, and furiously ride my bike over strangers all at the same time.

Brent: Its dark out and my jacket is black you couldn’t have seen me.

Girl: Are YOU alright? I see blood.

Brent: I feel fine. No harm no foul righhhWAAAAH. (there is a huge gash in his right forearm). Whoa uh yeah it’s just a cut.

Girl:  That looks bad you should go get stitches.

Brent: Nah I got some band aids at home, plus chicks dig scars right? I’m starting to feel tired too, bed sounds good.

Girl: You’re tired cause your losing blood plus the whole chicks dig scars thing is a total myth. Come on (she helps him up) there’s a clinic nearby that my friend works at. We can get you stitched up there.

Brent: Thank you for injuring me and then helping me kind stranger.

Lew: I’m Lucy but everybody calls me Lew.

Brent: Brent

Lew: Nice to meet you Brent.

Gaming marathon for charity!

Today is the day starting in just under an hour I will begin playing video games and won't stop till tomorrow morning. I for see red bull and dry eyes in my future but I also see a lot if fun for a great cause. This is all in the name of giving, specifically to the Chicago children's memorial hospital .
Now I will be playing many games throughout the day starting with Dark Souls on Xbox and then changing it up with some Halo: Reach and Mass Effect 3. I will also be nostalgiaing it up with some old ps2, n64, and snes gaming. For those interested to play along with me my Gamertag is Dyce Wins.
I will also be filming this event live via ustream, so if you want to watch the fun as it happens and see me swear a lot at the tv follow me on twitter and look for the link I will be posting there shortly. Thanks to all the fantastic people who have already donated, thanks to you my original goal has been met but fear not if you haven't donated yet there is still time and it can be done here: http://www.helpmakemiracles.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=124748
Today should be a fun day that tests
If I'm still capable of doing something I did dozens of times when I was 13. And remember even when it comes to charity events
Nerds Do It Better

Nerd Love Pt VIII

HELLOOOOO NERDLINGS!
   Sorry for the recent bout of silence but, No wait I'm NOT SORRY. I have a life and a new job and I do this for free so quit your bitchin'! I do apologize for yelling just now though. That may have been uncalled for. In either case I have a new chunk of Nerd Love for you here to make up for my recent tardiness. Enjoy and as always

Nerds Do It Better

Nerd Love Pt. VIII

(Brent enters Irish pub and sees Dawn dressed casually sitting at the bar)

Brent: Hey there

Dawn: Hey yourself, take a seat I ordered you a beer.

Brent: What? Who does that in real life? This could end horribly.

Dawn: Don’t worry, I know quality when I see it.

Brent: Noted…Sooo do you come here often?

Dawn: HA What?

Brent: What?

Dawn: Did you seriously just ask me that? What are you nervous or something?

Brent: heh yeah maybe, I guess I’m just not used to being asked to drinks by attractive package handlers, I didn’t mean that to be as dirty as it sounded.

Dawn: Ha it’s ok I am a great package handler. There is more to me than delivering packages you know.

Brent: I’m sure that’s true but how would I know, for all I am aware of you could be a high tech delivery robot from the future sent here to lull me into some false sense of security before you deliver my body to scientists via time machine so they can study me because I’m the first mutant and my super powers will be far too powerful.

Dawn: …Wow

Brent: Uh yeah I can go off on tangents sometimes.

Dawn: Clearly, well I am a delivery girl by day but an artist by night. I like to draw and paint mostly things you can’t see in the real world.

Brent: That awesome! So like unicorns and things like that?

Dawn: Why do you jump on unicorns right away?

Brent: I guess I just assumed. You are blond and a girl.

Dawn: Well I paint all kinds of things, mostly fantasy landscapes (under her breath) with unicorns in them.

Brent: HA (beer gets put in front of Brent and he drinks it) wow that is pretty good.

Dawn: Told ya, I know quality when I see it.

(Back at Brent’s apartment he is talking on the phone)

Brent: and then we talked about our college years and how she used to smoke a lot of pot and we laughed about how if she still did it would help her art and then I told her how I am a writer and we started brainstorming about how we could combine our talents and create a unicorn based comic strip…it was such a great night

Greg: …I’m going to go get Gwen

Brent: That’s probably for the best

Gwen: What’s up?

Brent: It was a great night. We have so much in common.

Gwen: Aw yay, what did you guys talk about don’t leave anything out.

Brent: Ok so… (after he tells the whole story)

Gwen: So what about Casey?

Brent: OH god I don’t know. Casey is like a female me; we have the same taste in everything. Games, TV, Books but sometimes I just feel I don’t know…off around her I guess. With Dawn it’s like, I mean we don’t have the same taste in everything but I feel…energized when I’m around her. She is funny, colorful and is willing to watch Firefly after I spent an hour explaining to her it was nothing like Star Trek.

Gwen: So she isn’t quite the nerd girl you were looking for then?

Brent: No but…there is something there.

Gwen: Well then you know what you have to do, don’t you?

Brent: Make sure I buy the blu ray of Firefly and wash my bed sheets?

Gwen: What is wrong with you?

Brent: What?

Gwen: You have to end it with Casey!

Brent: What? Why?

Gwen: What do you mean why? You clearly have feelings for Dawn.

Brent: But that doesn’t mean that I don’t like Casey, I like her a lot actually.

Gwen: But you also like Dawn.

Brent: Right…

Gwen: So…

Brent: I don’t…oh shit

Gwen: Now you’re gettin’ it. 

Nerd Love pt. VII

   Hey peeps and possible peepettes, pipettes?, whatever. This is the newest installment in the misadventures of Brent and company. Things are getting dicey, apparently. I don't plan that far ahead really. Anywho I hope you enjoy this small installment and look forward to the next one which should be on its way much faster than this one. Also if anyone wants to pay me for doing stuff that would be cool, money is good.

Remember I love you all and as always

Nerds Do It Better

Nerd Love Pt. VII

(Next day outside the shop Brent is watching Greg carry heavy boxes full of comics from the delivery truck to the shop.)

Brent: So do you think I should talk to Dawn, maybe straighten out what is going on?

Greg:  She is right inside if you want to (groan) but what’s going on?

Brent: Well, I don’t know

Greg:  Me either and you don’t want to jump into a snake pit half blind, Indie

Brent: Snakes are bad…

Greg: Yes they are (huff) why do you care anyway? You’ve got Casey, right?

Brent: (jumps up) You are absolutely right. I am just going to be polite and say hello then I’m out of here.

Greg: You’re not going to help?!

Brent: Why in God’s name would I do that?

Greg:  You’re part owner!

Brent: I am an investor, that’s very different. My job is to give you money and then expect more money in return, my part in this is over. (he leaves)

Greg: Ass

(inside the shop. Brent bumps into Dawn)

Brent: OH hey I was just coming to say hello then I’m out of here

Dawn: Oh yeah? Well, what are you doing later?

Brent: What? UH … nothing you know, livin’ laughin’ lovin’. The usual

Dawn: …right. Well do you want to grab a drink later?

Brent: ok Brent be calm, this is a tricky game you’re playing and one that you’re not good at. Play it cool. …Yes

Dawn: Great. How bout that Irish pub down the street?

Brent: Sounds good

Dawn: Ok see you at 8.

Brent: great (Dawn leaves) …uh-oh

(Gwen appears next to him)

Gwen: (slowly and deliberately) what did you do?

(Brent smiles…kind of. Jump to Him and Gwen and Greg sitting in Greg’s office. Greg behind the desk, Gwen on the desk, Brent in the tiny chair in front)

Greg: So let me get this straight. You intended to just say hello to Dawn knowing that you have something good brewing with Casey but instead somehow found yourself agreeing to a date.

Brent: In my defense we don’t know it’s a date. (Gwen slaps him) uh OW

Gwen: It’s cause I love you

Greg: Of course it’s a date, you don’t ask someone to go drink horny juice alone unless you want their pants stuff. It would be like asking a dalek to come hang out but then acting surprised when it wants to exterminate you. You’re smarter than this Man

Brent: I know. I don’t know what happened she was all blond hair, green eyes and delivery girl uniform, I was hypnotized.

Gwen: (sigh) ok I hate to say this but I think you should go out with Dawn tonight.

Greg: Buh?

Gwen: Listen if you were 100% all for Casey you wouldn’t have even considered saying “yes” to Dawn but instead you said “yes” without even thinking about it. We have to admit that there may be something there.

Brent: I doubt it we don’t really share any interests. I was just blinded by her hotness. I think I should cancel

Greg: NO she’s right you need to go out with her tonight. Either you have nothing in common in which case it is just a friendly drink no big deal OR you have a lot in common and well, that’s a whole different kind of deal.

Brent: … ok but if this boils down to a whole incident resulting in me getting kicked in the nuts by two attractive girls, one of whom lifts heavy things all day and the other has freely admitted to a love of pointy shoes, I’m blaming you two.

Gwen: Fair

(Brent gets up to leave)

Greg:  where you going?

Brent: Well apparently I have to shower now, thank you very much.

We Should Just Let Our Dead Musicians Be Dead

A word about the death of musical heroes, by way of Tupac Shakur.  

Tupac, though many would have you believe otherwise, is dead.  He was shot and killed in 1996, while he was still in his prime.  His flow was groundbreaking, and his death may have sounded the death knell for gangsta rap as we knew it.  Also, he was in Digital Underground for a bit, and the Humpty Dance is really catchy.

None of this changes the fact that the man is dead, and nothing on this Earth can bring him back.  Except holograms.

That’s right, holograms!  They’re not just for Princess Leia and Will.i.am on CNN anymore! 

At this year’s Coachella, Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg took the stage with Tupac Shakur’s image, which was computer generated.  While not truly a hologram, the image sent shockwaves through the media, some lauding its benefits, others decrying it as a lame-ass stunt that was akin to unearthing the bones of a deceased national treasure and having not-consented-to carnal wisdom with the eye socket of its fleshless skull (at the risk of editorializing). 

I am not the biggest hip-hop fan in the world, but no right thinking person would decry the talent Tupac had.  He was an innovator, a rare poet, and the world of hip-hop, the world at large, lost an artist the day he died.  His memory deserves more than to be trotted out at will by whoever has enough money to project his image onto a stage.

Someone else who deserves better than all that?  Freddie fucking Mercury.  Queen’s late front man was a master of stagecraft, songcraft, and above all else, vocals.  Any list of the top 3 rock vocalists of all time must include Freddie, and more likely than not, at the top.  Like Tupac, Freddie’s life was snatched away from him, and his song from us, far too early.  Freddie Mercury died of AIDS in 1991.

And, like Tupac, those who he once called friends want to use his image in new contexts, towards their own ends.

Brian May, Queen’s virtuoso guitarist, and recent PhD laureate, has been working on a holographic image of Freddie to use in the tenth anniversary of his musical “We Will Rock You.” 

But, Goddamnit, why?  The beauty of life is that it is fleeting.  I would love to have seen Led Zeppelin at the Fillmore in the 70s, the Ramones at CBGBs in the 80s, shit, I would love to have seen Mozart in Vienna.  But you can’t anymore.  These things were here for a brief shining moment, and then they were gone, like shooting stars, never to be seen again.  We’ll always have the music, but the magic will never be there.  To try to recreate it would be folly. 

And that, in the end, is what this is.  Taking images from past concerts and amalgamating them into new contexts doesn’t fulfill the desire to see these people in their heyday.  It just serves as a reminder that they’re gone.  The images remain, maybe, but the energy, the sheer charisma that these accomplished showmen had can never be replaced, and certainly can’t be matched by grotesquely parading their ghost across the nighttime stage.  These images delve deep into the uncanny valley, not sating a need, but creating a revulsion and tarnishing a memory.

I implore everyone with the technology and financial means: let our dead heroes rest.  It’s the least we can do for them.

Nerd Love pt. VI

   So my fine readers I have finally accomplished that which all who wish to can eventually accomplish. I have graduated from college. I know, I know I am impressed with myself as well. Now I know my updates have been a bit lax these last few weeks but you try writing a senior thesis on how sense of humor develops through social interaction and see how much free time YOU have! Jerk! Sorry that is neither here nor there. But safe to say I have all the time in the world now that I don't have being a student as an excuse for unemployment anymore. So to celebrate this momentous occasion I give you Nerd Love part 6. Please enjoy the tom foolery and I'll be writing again soon.

Nerds Do It Better

Nerd Love pt. VI





(in a grocery store Brent is on the phone looking at wine)

Brent:…Well because it is either them or my parents…that’s what I thought…Well she THINKS she can make soup which is really more our fault than hers…all right ill pick you up at 6 tomorrow. Bye…eight dollars for a blend? Well I can splurge I guess.

(from behind) Delivery girl Dawn: Well, hello

Brent: Jesus! Oh hey the delivery girl

Dawn: While I do love the title, you can just call me Dawn.

Brent: Right, so what brings you to this fine food based establishment.

Dawn: spying, I work as an investigator for fraud in the intelligence department of UPS.

Brent: Really?!

Dawn: No, I’m buying food.

Brent: Right, I swear I’m not as huge of an idiot as I have appeared to you in recent past.

Dawn: I really want to believe you.

Brent: kind of you…soooo…

Dawn: So I delivered a couple boxes to Greg’s shop the other day but you weren’t there, what gives?

Brent: Well, as much as Greg would like to believe that I do, I don’t in fact live there.

Dawn: Yeah, I was talking to him about you but then his wife started staring at me and banging things on the counter for no apparent reason.

Brent: Yeah she’s…troubled, we’re all very concerned…Wait you were talking about ME?

Dawn: Yeah, don’t let it get to your head I don’t trouble myself with guys who don’t know how to flirt. Later fly boy. (She walks away)

Brent: But isn’t that what we’re doing NOW…(to himself) she called me fly boy (Brent shakes his head, grabs the wine and leaves)

(Greg and Gwen's Apartment. Them and Brent and Casey are sitting around the table eating flat bread pizza)

Gwen: Sorry about the soup guys. I don’t know what happened I stepped away for a minute to get the second cup of curry and pumpkin seeds and when I came back it was all over the floor.

Greg: It will live as a mystery till the end of our days

Brent: Gravity works in mysterious ways (Brent and Greg fist bump under the table)

Casey: It’s okay because this spinach garlic flat bread pizza is delicious

Greg: Thanks, it’s my secret recipe pizza

Brent: its super secret, he’s killed for it before

Greg: I’ll kill YOU Casey, I’ll kill you dead

Casey: I…I don’t know what the recipe is.

Greg: You’re damn right you don’t.

Gwen: Thanks for the wine Brent but next time dip into your piggy bank and buy three bottles this one is already empty.

Greg: Well I’ll clear the plates and grab our bottle of that cheap red your mom gave us.

Brent: I’ll help (they head to the kitchen) so what do you think of Casey?

Greg: She’s nice, man. I like her, she laughed at my quip about how that homeless guy down the street looks like the Count of house Harkonnen so she is a winner in my book. There is one-nah never mind

Brent: What?

Greg: It’s nothing.

Brent: …ok, SO quick question. I ran into Dawn today at the store-

Greg: Really? She was talking about you a couple days ago.

Brent: YEAH that’s what she said

Greg: Wait, she TOLD you she was asking about you?

Brent: Yeah. What’s that about?

Greg: Do I look like I guy who understands the intricacies of the typical female mind?

Brent: No, but you know her better than me so I was hoping for a little insight.

Greg: Well if my Jr. High career taught me anything I’m pretty sure that if a girl is asking about you when you’re not around it indicates…something.

Brent: Helpful as always old friend.

Greg: That’s why I’m here

(In the dining area)

Gwen: So what’s football sex?

Casey: Excuse me?

Gwen: Oh, Greg was just telling me about it. You know boys, they tell each other everything.

Casey: Uh, I don’t really-

Gwen: Oh no need to be embarrassed. Me and Greg are into some WEIRD stuff. He likes to do this thing where he holds a toy light saber and- (Greg and Brent enter)

Greg: What are you doing woman?

Gwen: Just having some girl talk.

Casey: well it was certainly…talk.

Brent: Uh…Lets drink more!

Gwen: Here! Here!

(a couple hours later)

Casey: Thanks for a great night guys but some of us have real jobs to get to tomorrow.

Brent: That stings, lady.

Gwen: It was great to meet you for realsies Casey. Brent is a way too stupid for you.

Brent: OK really?

Greg: Just remember what I said about the pizza (Greg drags his thumb across his throat)

Casey: right. OK Bye.

(Casey and Brent leave the apartment)

Casey: Isn’t the recipe just garlic, spinach, cheese, and flat bread?

Brent: Yep

Before Watchmen Panel

I'm naturally skeptical about any watchmen project that doesn't have Alan Moore's endorsement, after this panel I can safely say those bastards will have my money and full support come June.

Nerd corral, the best corral

Let it begin

Yep it's a con alright

C2E2 Weekend!!!!

It is time my little nerdlings time for my favorite weekend of the year, where I soak up all the joy I need to sustain me for the rest of the year like a nerdy TARDIS shaped sponge. That's right it is C2E2 weekend and I'm doing it up right.
Tonight I will be attending the Nerdist podcast live to witness the glow of the almighty nerd Chris Hardwick with my own two eyes. To say he had an influence on my dreams and this website is like saying the atmosphere had an influence on the wind. Without him it simply wouldn't be possible.
Saturday I will spend from dawn till dusk in the majestic halls of McCormick Place and for those of you who can't attend these glory filled events fear not, I will take pictures and attempt to post them in real time to the site.
Hopefully I'll see some of you there to the others remember always
Nerds Do It Better

Nerd Love part V

Fresh installment of Nerd Love for your reading pleasure. I struggled to come up with a good first date idea but I think this played out well. Enjoy and remember always

Nerds Do It Better


(It’s Friday night, Brent is dressed in a tuxedo and is picking up Casey at her apartment. She is wearing an elegant red dress)

Brent: Wow, you look great (he opens the car door for her)

Casey: Thanks (She gets in)

Brent: (begins to drive) I hope you like fun

Casey: Where are we going?

Brent: You’ll see

(after a 10 minute drive Brent pulls into an apartment complex, his.)

Casey: What is this?

Brent: Just follow me (he leads her up the stairs to his apartment, they enter and it is clean with a candle lit on his small kitchen table with two plates, a rose on one)

Casey: This is your apartment

Brent: Yes it is

Casey: You told me to dress formally!

Brent: and you look absolutely stunning

Casey: What are we supposed to eat??

Brent: I have a couple frozen pizzas, pepperoni or sausage?  

Casey: are you kidding?

Brent: I also have both my super Nintendo and N64 set up on the TV.

Casey: …really?

Brent: and Mario kart for both

Casey: …pepperoni

(They are sitting on the floor still in formal wear with plates and crusts next to them playing N64)

Casey: HAHA Eat it!

Brent: What the CRAP woman, you kicked my ass

Casey: Yeah I didn’t get out much as a kid

Brent: Me neither

Casey: Well I have to admit this was pretty fun

Brent: I’m glad, was it fun enough to perhaps do it again

Casey: Perhaps, but I’d prefer to not be in heels next time

Brent: Sorry, I even make my friend Greg wear heels when he comes in here

(Casey shoves him and laughs. She then leans in and kisses him. Brent is shocked and left wide eyed and speechless. Casey lightly slaps his face)

Brent: (brought back to earth) What?

Casey: hehe come on, you have to take me home

Brent: Home. Right yes good.

( the next day Brent enters Variant Lifestyle dancing, poorly)

Gwen: Uh what?

Brent: Last night went awesome

Gwen: Really?! (The both start dancing in a circle, again poorly. Greg enters)

Greg: …I assume by this lack of rhythm clinic you goes are running, things went well last night

Brent: They went better than well if I do say so myself

Gwen: Awesome was the word used I think

Greg: Well now we have to meet her

Brent: and why is that?

Greg: it’s us or your parents

Brent: I think I can manage a meet and greet.

Gwen: Bring her over for dinner tomorrow, I can make my special soup!

Brent and Greg: Great!

Brent: (to Greg) Don’t you fucking let her make that soup, I swear there were raisins in it last time.

Greg: (to Brent) I’m on it.

Gwen: It’s been so long since I got a chance to cook. Greg thinks it is demeaning to all women if I do

Greg: Yep, you shouldn’t have to cook all the meals

Gwen: You never let me cook ANY meals

Greg: I’m VERY forward thinking

Brent: Greg is a good guy, your very lucky to have him blahblahblah ANYWAY I better get going calls to make and so forth (he leaves)

Gwen: What were you guys whispering about

Greg: Football? (Gwen stares) Sex? Football sex? It’s a new fetish apparently, Brent’s girl is into it.

Gwen: Huh. Well I’m off to start my soup preparations. (Gwen leaves)

Greg: …I’m sure that won’t come up.