Be Wary of Lisa Hannigan!

Hello, my fellow nerds in nerddom. Your evil man with the evil plan, Sir Simon Milligan, coming at you with a bit of a nerdy bone to pick. As the music critic for this nerdly compendium of nerdosity, I feel it is not only my duty to bring you the latest in tunes that further the nerd mission, but also to warn against that which is not nerdy in the world of aural emanation. It is this duty that compels me to warn against a sprightly sprite from the Emerald Isle, one Ms. Lisa Hannigan.

Formerly of Irish neo-folk troubadour Damian Rice’s band, this wispy flower has released two albums to wide critical acclaim: 2008’s Sea Sew and Passenger, released just this year. An Irish brogue lilting a strong, expressive alto, Lisa Hannigan has also shown herself adept at many instruments, drawing from her genre’s spiritual past in bluegrass (banjo), Irish folk (mandolin, dulcimer), and rock and roll (electric guitar). Lisa Hannigan may, in the minds of lesser mortals, evoke images of Sinead O’Connor, Patty Griffin, or, oddly, Bjork. But those with my learned ear will know that Lisa Hannigan, though drawing from a deep well, is creating something hitherto unknown.

And you must ignore her at all costs. We, as nerds, reject out of hand the raw, unquantifiable force of emotion. We subscribe only to cold calculation, rationality, and line graphs. Lisa Hannigan’s broad range, vocal control, and touching lyrics serve only to fog the senses and cloud the mind, distracting from every nerd’s true calling: reducing everything to numbers, and knowing those numbers better than you.

In the interest of knowing one’s enemy, Dame Milligan and I recently saw Lisa Hannigan perform at the Double Door in Chicago. Picture a petite, shy woman, tastefully dressed and standing unassumingly, and then filling the tiny venue with such delicate sound that one worries to breathe, lest they shatter it like spun sugar. Picture a nervous, nearly breathless pixie, standing stock still until the music hits, then reacting to every single note, every single beat, as if in ecstasy so close to pain that the line between them blurs to nonexistence. Picture a woman so delighted to be granted a chance to share her craft and herself with others that she thanks us warmly and sweetly, and never stops smiling, even during the sad bits. Utterly meaningless!

I warn all you self-interested nerds out there, fighting the good fight, to stay clear of Lisa Hannigan. Don’t buy her new album, Passenger, don’t see her live, and for Evil’s sake, do not watch this video of her performing at a pub in Dingle, Ireland. This is for your own good.

Exclusive to Lisa Hannigan: If you insist on returning to Chicago to spread your brand of infectious pro-emotion propaganda, allow Dame Milligan and I to cook you dinner. I can be reached at this website. That is, vile demon!

The Avengers are Assembling!

 If you haven't yet seen the new and awesome trailer for The Avengers (written by the great Joss Whedon) then you are stupid. There I said it, you dumb. However I am not with out my mercy so here it is in all it's glory.

You're welcome

Nerds Do It Better

Classic Games Spotlight: Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time

The year is whatever year it was when I was in fourth grade. I'm standing in line at the door waiting to go home with my fellow classmates, and the nerd of nerds, Dylan Winston, can't stop talking about how bad he wants to go home so he can beat Ganondorf. I'm confused. Is he mad at his interestingly named dog? Is Ganondorf a new Pokemon game? I inquire further. It turns out Ganondorf is the horrendously evil and powerful antagonist of Links' newest 64 bit adventure, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I'm intrigued. Luckily, the Winstons just moved next door and I didn't even need to beg my mom for a ride when that afternoon I went over and sat enthralled as Dylan battled Ganondorf in a furious battle of light arrows and Master Sword hacks. At this time I had no way to relate to Link or to understand his plight, but I knew one thing, I wanted into this world. I also knew another thing, whatever time my mom saved not having to drive me to Dylans she was going to lose driving me to the mall to buy this game. So after a few weeks of begging, screaming, whining, and fantasizing about the game, I finally had it and my own odyssey was set to begin.

Back in the present, and I am able to look back at that game with a perspective that I did not have at the time. Back then, the game was entertainment, a fun way to spend the afternoon after school, a world I could get lost in. However, now I am able to see that the game was really one of the defining moments of my childhood. All of the interests that were piqued in me at that time by the game are the same ones that I am pursuing now in my real life. From the game itself, to the sense of adventure and exotic locales visited on the journey, the game really spoke to me. Personal biases aside however, the game really was a great game for a number of reasons. The first of these was the ability of the player to relate to Link. Playing him as a "child" and then later in the game as an "adult" really made you feel like you were Link, that he wasn't just a vehicle by which you could move through the game. I had an emotional investment in him and his success on his journey. The depth and scope of the game really made it feel like a real world, where you could ride across the plains on your trusty steed and be in another town by sunset. The odd and quircky characters were always interesting and gave Hyrule a unique personality. The bad guys were always worthy foes, especially the bosses who usually had special ways they needed to be killed, which had to be figured out on the fly. The puzzles throughout the game made you actually have to think while remaining fun and playable, without long extended periods of not being able to figure them out. The actual gameplay and mechanics of the game were also superb, with the z-target ability making combat and peaceful interactions equally smooth. The storytelling was largely what made the game so compelling, however and there were true moments of gallantry, sadness, heroics, celebration, and death, all of which tugged at the emotions of the invested gamer. I have played many, many great (and not so great) video games in the years since I first popped the Zelda cartridge into my N64, but I am still convinced that it isn't just my sentiment talking when I say that this was one of the best video game experiences of my life.

A Steve Jobs Memorial

   I'll be honest when I first started using macs I couldn't stand them, I had an immediate distaste for them that I would vocalize when ever the topic came up. That being said Apple has become so much more since then and I have grown to love them as so many others have. Which brings me to why I write this article, A god among nerds passed away today. The co-founder of what is now the most lucrative computer company in the world, Steve Jobs passed away mere hours before this articles writing after a long drawn out fight with pancreatic cancer, one of the most terrible and mortal forms of cancer.
  
   There are many joys in my life that I owe this man, I remember how awesome and powerful I thought my first Ipod was and how I would walk for hours listening to podcasts and music from Itunes to lift my spirits. My current Iphone is the greatest thing I have ever had in my pocket and has saved me from embarrassment and misinformation countless times. I would not have these devices, that were seemingly stolen from the future, if not for Steve Jobs and to that point I salute the man and a nerdy life well lived.

R.I.P Steve Jobs

(1955-2011)

Heaven is now a nerdier place.

Nerds Do It Better

Gears of War 3: Holy Shit

  
   So as you all must be aware by now (and if you aren't you may have had your head up your ass for the last three months and should probably see someone about that) Gears 3 has dropped and it is, in my opinion, the best of the trilogy. Some say the original is always better, but thats not the case. Not to take anything away from the first two games; they were great in their own right, but with the implementation of horde mode in Gears 2, Epic started the franchise down a path of eternal awesomeness which they got to the end of in Gears 3. While the campaign of the third installment is epic (pun intended) the real meat and potatoes of the game are Versus, Beast, and Horde modes. They're what you're going to be playing the majority of the time, and by God they're worth it. Versus mode is the typical player vs. player games which are always fun. As always, hiding around corners and chainsawing guys as they nonchalantly run past is great fun, if a little cheap. But hey, kills are kills and thats what versus is all about. Just watch out for the guys with the new sawed-off shotguns, they're slow, but you will lose every close quarter encounter aginst one of these in the hands of a mildly capable player, so keep your distance. Beast mode is a great new addition that lets you essentially play horde, but as the Locust. You start with a certain amount of money, and everytime you die you use that money to spawn as the baddie character of your choosing. The tickers are fun, effective, and cheap to buy for the early levels. The Boomer is somewhat expensive but packs a big punch, and the giant serapede, armored kantus, and berserker at the higher levels are fun and capable of completely fucking shit up. The jewel of the game, however, has got to be the new horde mode and that is what I spend most of my Gears time doing. Differences from the classic horde mode in Gears 2 include the awesome new fortifications that you can build with the money you earn slayin the baddies. You buy an intitial base at the beginning of the game, and from there you can build fences, machine gun turrets, sentry guns, and decoys to mess with and kill the enemy as you attempt to keep them at bay. Between rounds you have thirty seconds to do all your fortifying, so don't get caught on the other side of the map at the end the round and miss out on reloading your machine gun. The fortifications make some maps more defendable than others, and when looking for a good defensive position you should first look for a base with few approaches (two is good, Overpass has a base with only one approach). You should also take note of what you can buy at a given base. Having the map's heavy weapon in or near your base is always a plus, especially for the boss waves. The hammer of dawn is a good heavy weapon on just about all maps, the mortar is good on open maps without a lot of overhead cover, and the mulcher is good down hallways and other fuck em up trap areas. Another thing to look for is how easily can you get the fuck out of your base if shit starts getting real, as it always does. Having a decent fall back point that isn't a main spawn point of the bad guys can keep you alive for a few extra rounds. When you start the game check out what defenses you can buy around your base. You want to have a turret for sure, they help out when the lancer isn't quite cutting it anymore. Fences are good for slowing the enemy down and sentry guns do relatively weak but sustained damaged making those tough bad guys not so tough. Decoys just make the enemy look stupid as they focus their attention (and bullets) on cardboard cut-outs and mannequins. Dumbasses, thats why you deserve to get chainsawed.....Anyways once you have your base established you can either save your money for bigger upgrades, like the relentlessly powerful, never run out of ammo, kill every living thing within view silverback ($12,500, no chump change), or start buying fences and the like. Either way, upgrade your fortifications as fast as you can and keep them from getting destroyed, as nothing sucks worse than dropping 4 grand on a red laser fence and then having to do it again in the next round (this is a sure way to not get far noobs). Sometimes one fortification will help another be more effective. For example, buying a decoy and then a machine gun that overlooks it will not only protect the decoy from some damage, but will allow the machine gunner to obliterate the locust who are pathetically trying to kill it. Throughout the levels you continue to expand and upgrade your defenses and try to hold out as long as possible. Eventually you will all be dead however, unless you can get to and beat the 50th wave. In a matchmaking game, it doesn't really seem possible to reach this lofty video game acheivement. There are too many people not in it for the team (yeah I'm talking to you guys who run right past me when I'm downed and don't help you selfish bastards). These people, however, are assholes. For those qualifyed gamers out there, get four of your nerdiest, most badass friends and get the fuck in a horde game STAT. Make sure you can communicate and play smart and level 50 should be yours in no time.

Note: Try to keep your bloodlust to a reasonable level while playing Gears of War 3 or risk upsetting roomates, neighbors, or sleeping girlfriends with your terrifying war cries.

Slywalker

The Problem With Being a Nerd...

Nerd Time

  The problem with being a nerd is that there simply is not enough time in a day. I mean how can I be expected to keep up with my video game playing (Gears 3 is awesome FYI) AND make sure I'm caught up with Doctor Who? It's impossible especially when you consider all the nerd culture out there that already exists but for whatever reason I haven't gotten the time to ingest. And then to top it all off society keeps shoving that whole "life" thing down my throat.

   I envy you norms out there with your regularly scheduled prime time television and normal work hours, well that last part is a lie but my point is still valid. Watching one show when I should be reading the next game of thrones novel (song of ice and fire, whatever nerds) , watching shows when I should be killing zombies in the new Dead Island, doing homework when I have unread graphic novels!? The world has gone crazy people and I am the last sane man.

   To all those lost but not forgotten games, books, comics, shows, and movies...wait for me



Nerds Do It Better

Ultra Double Recap: Breaking Down Breaking Bad

So it turns out that real life is time consuming and leaving me little time for teh internets.  Going to try to get every ep for the rest of the season up on Mondays. Today we are just going to hit on a couple of main points from the last two episodes.

Episodes 8 and 9

 All right Breaking Baddinites, lets do some catch up work on the stirring saga of everyone's favorite meth dealer.  Let's start with episode 8 "Hermanos."  I loved this one.  It might be my favorite of the season up to date.  We start with Walt at a chemo/cancer/remission check in (oh right, he has cancer), where he gives a great little explanation about life to a follow cancer patient.  "Never give up control," Walt tells him.  IT APPLIES TO DRUGS TRADE TOO. Walt's antihero-ness has really been on display this season as he struggles to stay in control of his own life and his families destiny.  But what I really dug about this ep was that we are getting more and more into everyone else that makes the Breaking Bad universe so awesome.  

 Ep 8 dives into the mythos and the mysterious history of Gus.  Oh Gawd, I love Gus.  Hank hauls Gus in for questioning, thinking he is really going to nail him to the wall, but Gus is well practiced for this and gives Hank nothing.  He has every angle covered regarding why he was at Gale's apartment.  The only thing Hank gets is a slight pause when he brings up Gus' Chilean past.  The finger tapping calmness exercise Gus does after the interrogation is such pure Fring.  As Hank continues his investigation by his lonesome (and with Walt), the specter of this becoming a multidimensional dance for king of the southwest is well underway.

The end scene really struck a cord with the audience that has been wanting more of who Gus is throughout the show.  We flash back to Gus and the cartel's first meeting in Mexico.  Gus and his chemist partner Max have been using Gus' chicken restaurant to give samples of high quality meth to Don Eliado's top guys to manipulate a meeting.  What Gus and Max see as ingenuity, Don Eliado sees as a disrespect.  Hector, who we know as the wheelchair bound Tio, shoots Max in the head and makes Gus watch. BUT THEN, we get the key piece of information.  Don Eliado tells Gus that the only reason he is alive is because he knows who he is.  This must be a reference to Gus' shadowy Chilean past. 

Gus then explains to Tio about how it was him who caused nephews' deaths and covered it up with the killing of Juan Bolsa.  He asks Tio if today is the day he gets blood for blood SANGRA POR SANGRA for Max's death.  "Maybe next time," says Gus.

Fav Line: Don Eliado on Gus' restaurant "Your chicken it is so...zesty!"

Plowing on to episode 9 entitled "Bug," we get what we all knew was a long time coming.  There are three major subplots that are all going to play a big role in what happens in the series in the subsequent episodes and seasons.  

In the first, Gus is giving in to the cartel as he says yes to the deal that they proposed him.  Still no word on what the deal is, but you can bet it involves blue meth and territory.  This comes to happen after Gus, as Jesse puts it "goes Terminator" walking right into the snipers line of fire.  But both the sniper and Gus get it, they won't kill him they will just make it hard for him to do business.  Mike attributes them not killing Gus because the cartel needs him, but I'll bet its more of the Chilean past.  (if anyone wants to venture a guess as to Gus' past, post it in the comments!) But with this deal in place, the course of the series just took a turn.

Ted, Skyler's old boss and ADULTERER, returns with an audit by the criminal division of the IRS.  Skyler realizes that with her name certifying the books, she will be audited and the car wash/money laundering operation will be found out in a jif.  She shows up at the audit meeting with CLEAVAGE GALORE and a dumb blonde routine. "Quicken is the best! Like having a calculator on your computer!"  Somehow, the agent falls for this routine and Skyler buys Ted some time to pay his back taxes and fees, otherwise "that little fiction will unravel" and her ass will be on the line.  Ted has no money though, as he tells Skyler there is a lien on his house and then drives away in a piece of crap instead of his BMW.  Skyler then opens the crawlspace where the unlaundered money is kept.  Using that to bail out Ted is super risky, and Walt won't like it one bit.

DING DING DING! IN THE RED CORNER WE HAVE A FORMER TEACHER THAT CURRENTLY HAS CANCER AND A PENCHANT FOR COOKING, PLEASE WELCOME WALTER "THE COOOOOOOOOK" WHITE!  IN THE BLUE CORNER, THIS MAN IS A HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUT A FORMER METH ADDICT WHO HAS KILLED A MAN, JESSE "PINKY" PINKERMANNNNNN!"

So as Jesse explains the situation about him having to go to Mexico to teach the formula, he reaches out for Walter's help.  Walt only hears what he wants and notes that his failure to kill Gus has made them both dead men.  Jesse flips out when Walt tells him he put a bug on his car "after all he has done for him." And Jesse is right, Walt is so short sighted right now he can't see the decisions other people are making.  The two ensue in a brawl that culminates in Walt walking out broken and bleeding.  Bridge burned. Walt is in as deep as possible.  Ep over.

Fav Line: Jesse "Can you walk? Then get the f*ck out of here and never come back."

Next Week's Title: Salud

Stonecutter out.