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   Finally! It has been a long time coming but the trailer for what will undoubtedly be the movie that makes me weep in 2012 is out. They can't take it back either!

Did you just get goosebumps too?

Nerds Do It Better

Halloween May Be Gone but the Scares Continue

   I love Halloween. I mean I'm a college kid and let me tell you the girls are cute and wearing less then they would at the beach and the drinking is at a...well a medium really. For those concerned I am of legal age (now). Anyway another Halloween has come and gone and I will make due with the copious amounts of nerdy scary movies that exist in the world. Here is a personal list of what I consider the nerdiest of the horror genre. Granted just being into horror movies is pretty nerdy in the first place but I digress.

1. Gremlins (1984)

   I have loved gremlins from an early age. I was born in 1989 so I can only assume I saw it at around 5 or 6. Christmas and horror are just a great combination, no one expects bad stuff to happen at Christmas. Plus you start with a racist interpretation of a Chinese man in a mystic sundry shop selling a mysterious troll of some kind. Only we soon realize it's a freaking adorable Mogwai later named Gizmo (pictured to the right). But he comes with these seemingly inane rules (Something about only feeding them water at midnight? I'm sure its not important).  Which ,because the protagonist is a young lad, he is doomed to break. They turned into less adorable green trolls and cause havoc killing people around town until they conquer the town in gangster fashion. The cute mogwai saves the day and it ends with the people you care about living, good times all around.

2. Aliens (1986)

   Bombastic space marines with crazy futuristic weapons fighting off hundreds of Xenomorphs? Count me in. It starts with crazy awesome futuristic technology keeping a woman alive for 57 years continues into a fusion reactor plant meant to terraform the planet that is infested with xenomorphs. A bunch of the marines die and they find a girl named after an amphibian of some kind. It ends with a fight between a giant xenomorph queen and a bad ass Ripley wearing an exoskeleton. If they asked me what I would have wanted to see in an sci-fi horror movie (using some kind of time travel)  I would never have come up with something that awesome. Game over man...game over.

3. Predator (1987)

    Arnold Schwarzenegger, Ritually Homicidal Humanoid, A guy named Dillon, And inter species bare knuckle boxing. Nough. Said.

4. Alien (1979)

    One of the scariest movies of my youth and truly terrifying it was. It starts off with this cool futuristic space ship which is apparently DOS based and the cool awakening of the crew from cool frozen sleeping pods. Then they go to an alien planet with an alien spaceship that is warning people away from it but the evil company wants whats in there. How they slowly learn what the thing is that wrapped itself around the face of the British guy who then has a Xenomorph burst out of his chest is very interesting and increasingly frightening. Pair that with a psychotic synthetic human named Ash who truly admires the alien and you got a recipe for sci-fi terror awesomeness.





5. The Thing (1982)

       An alien monster that can disguise itself as other creatures as well as grotesque combinations of all those lifeforms it consumed. I haven't seen the prequel yet but I've heard pretty good things. Frozen space ships and ancient all devouring alien of unspeakable origin that causes a descent into paranoia amongst the research team. No one can trust anyone but must rely on others anyway its both legitimately scary due to a roaming monster that wants to kill you as well as deep psychological terror because anyone could be the alien. I love The Thing its one of my favorite scary movies of all time.

   I love scary movies and while Halloween may be over the movies are still there to watch and terrify me. So check these out if you haven't already (if that's the case I don't think your reading the right blog) and thank me later

Nerds Do It Better

The Avengers are Assembling!

 If you haven't yet seen the new and awesome trailer for The Avengers (written by the great Joss Whedon) then you are stupid. There I said it, you dumb. However I am not with out my mercy so here it is in all it's glory.

You're welcome

Nerds Do It Better

The Unfortunate Truth Behind "Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey"

Anyone who grew up in the early 90s (or had kids in the early 90s) with a VHS player remembers the family-friendly animal-adventure Disney classic, Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey.

Starring some of Hollywood's top voice-over actors (Michael J. Fox [as Chance, the wily, curious American Bulldog] and Sally Field [as Sassy, the snooty and downright abrasive Himalaya]) Homeward Bound grossed nearly $42,000,000 at the box office and continues to warm the hearts of children and their families across the globe with wholesome, animals-in-danger-then-not-in-danger entertainment.

A quick synopsis of the plot for those who can't recall why these everyday house pets are pictured traversing a 70-foot canyon by way of a fallen log bridge: Chance, Sassy & Shadow (the wise, aging Golden Retriever voiced by the late Don Ameche [interestingly, one of his last roles]) are abandoned by their owners (Airplane's Robert Hays, go figure) at a quaint mountain horse ranch in central Oregon with Schindler's List cruelty, prompting Shadow to interpret this as an evil masterplan which his "Peter" (played by Benj Thall) would never have a hand in and is in dire need of help. Through impeccable Retriever logic, Shadow deduces that home is "just over that mountain" and that he should go back with or without Chance and Sassy. The others concede that in fact, yes, home is just over that mountain range (the southern Cascades-meant-to-be-Sierras mind you) thus beginning the "incredible adventure" promised by the movie's title. Chocked full of excitement, danger, humor, and the occasional mushy-animal-feelings scene (like Shadow's moonlit reflection on the nature of the axiom "a dog is a man's best friend" or the reunion with a fully-recovered once-near-death-because-she-was-sucked-into-a-fucking-whitewater-river Sassy) these everyday house pets defy all odds and cross through the notoriously-mountain-lion-infested Oregon wilderness to return home relatively unscathed (except for Shadow's stupid leg) into the welcoming arms of their oh-shit-our-pets-are-fucked owners. The end.

Wait a tick...

The owners didn't abandon shit. Peter's stepfather, Robert Hays, needed a quiet weekend to move his family into a new house without a bunch of incorrigible asshat pets barking and shitting everywhere. Accordingly, Peter's parents left the lovely trio in the competent hands of a seasoned horse rancher in rural Oregon until they could handle pure, unadulterated chaos in their new home. Unfortunately, Shadow merely thinks in English, but can't understand English, thus he cannot grasp what his loving Peter is trying to say as the family is packing up to leave: (paraphrased) "DON'T WORRY. I'LL BE BACK FOR YOU."


Had Shadow (touted as "wise" by his younger counterpart, Chance) possessed any sort of patience or even the most basic dog instinct (like holy-shit-we-get-a-bunch-of-good-ass-food-here-let's-chill-for-a-bit, a la Chance) Sassy wouldn't have had a near-fatal-waterfall-shitshow experience and been forced to drink goat's milk from the bowl of an obviously-burnt-out-so-now-watches-birds Jerry Garcia lookalike, Chance wouldn't have been lanced in the grill with the barbs of a fully-pissed-off-then-giggling porcupine and subjected to the unorthodox medical practices of a beltway-outsider-vet-pound, and Shadow himself wouldn't have had a Toy Story 3 holy-fuck-I'm-going-to-die-here moment in the depths of a train yard sinkhole. On top of that, Peter's family needlessly experienced the agony of knowing that their shit-brained pets were wandering about in the wilderness, potentially getting the shit ripped out of their fucking insides by mountain lions or worse. All because Shadow was a "wise" Golden Retriever.

Take home point: Never leave your Retriever at a horse ranch in Oregon or pay the price. Or, just wait outside playing basketball, it'll be cool.

Tire Smoked Movie Review: Captain America

  Last night me and several members of my family went and saw the midnight showing of Captain America: The First Avenger (because that's how we roll). Besides the vast amount of annoying, loud talking, know-it-all nerds (the worst kind that make us all look bad) it was an incredibly enjoyable evening.
  
   Captain America was great, it had everything a marvel nerd could ask for. The serum, the super soldier abilities, and the accuracy (for the most part) to the comics was pretty freakin' great. Chris Evans played a phenomenal Steve Rogers and the inclusion of characters like Dum-Dum and James "Bucky" Barnes gave plenty of reasons for true blue Cap nerds to feel superior. The action was great and constant while not being over the top (at least not for a comic book movie) and the inclusion of the crazy ahead of their time Hydra (cap's arch nemesis organization) weapons gave way for awesome special effects. Top it all off with a stellar performance by Hugo Weaving (of Mr. Smith and Lord Elrond fame) as the insidious Red Skull and that's a summer blockbuster in any sense of the word.

   And as if it couldn't get any better, those who stuck around to the end of the credits (which didn't include know-it-all who claimed he knew they weren't going to show anything because they would have done it earlier) were given a full minute preview of The Avengers movie that is apparently being released in May 2012. If that alone doesn't sell you why the hell are you even reading this? Go. See. This. Movie. Five burning tires out of five, nerdom at its best people.

  "Avengers Assemble!"-Capt. America (often)

A Tire Smoked Movie Review: X-Men: First Class

   I'm a nerd. I have been an honorary student of Prof. Xavier's School for Exceptional Children since I was 7. I grew up with the cartoon on TV and my brothers owned some of the comic books. When the whole "first class" thing came up I thought "cool" (who doesn't want to see prof. X as a college age smart-ass?) but  I was skeptical of the timing (it's set during the Cuban missile crisis) and the age of some of the characters that would be present. Luckily my fears were unfounded, X-men: First Class is an incredibly fun and entertaining film.
  
   The characters make sense, Magneto's belief that war is inevitable is clearly defined by his past (which was pretty accurate to the comics as far as I know) and the friendship between him and Charles was quickly established and yet very believable (I think mainly due to the acting prowess of James Mcavoy). The Beast and his insatiable desire to look "normal" felt real and was easily relatable and was definitely what a young Hank McCoy would be like.

   The mutants and their different powers were really cool (except for angel, the next angel is WAY better) I highly recommend anyone who is a mutant enthusiast to see this film. It was smart, funny, and a great cinematic adventure to take part in. I give it a very fiery 4 flaming tires out of 5. The only thing that could have made this movie better was Iceman, I love Iceman. Oh and the cameo by Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) was a nice touch.

Raven Darkholme / Mystique: You're amazing.
Hank McCoy / Beast: Really?
(x-men: first class 2011)

The First Tire Smoked Movie Review!!! : THOOOOR

   This previous weekend I went and saw the latest in Marvel's avenger themed movie line, Thor. First and fore most let me say that through out my comic book nerdom I have never had much of a love for Thor. I knew him, he was there and I noted his existence. But with Marvel's Avenger "initiative" what nerd would I be if I didn't go see the movie.

   My first impression with the film was how gorgeous the visuals of Asgard were. The CGI was phenomenal for a movie that was probably as rushed as all the avenger's movies have been for the last couple years. Chris Hemsworth who played Thor did a great job getting across the whole Bombastic-entitled-jerk-to-educated-hero...thing.  Natalie Portmen is hot as always and did fine as the love interest but the romance in the movie seemed hookey to me. One minute a dude is falling from the skies and the next they're making out but that's not their fault. Kate Dennings is super funny and Anthony Hopkins as Odin was just awesome. Oh and Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye, I say hell yes.

   The action was great and all but as a true blue comic fanatic I know enough to know they deviated from the Thor mythos quite a bit, I understand it on an intellectual level but it still stings a little. I could get into it but if you don't already know what I'm talking about why are you reading this? Anyway long story short I give it 3 flaming tires out of 5, good but Captain America (one of my favorite super heroes) better be great. They already show him using a gun in the trailer...whatever

Oh, no… this is Earth, isn’t it?-Thor(2011)