Gears of War 3: Holy Shit

  
   So as you all must be aware by now (and if you aren't you may have had your head up your ass for the last three months and should probably see someone about that) Gears 3 has dropped and it is, in my opinion, the best of the trilogy. Some say the original is always better, but thats not the case. Not to take anything away from the first two games; they were great in their own right, but with the implementation of horde mode in Gears 2, Epic started the franchise down a path of eternal awesomeness which they got to the end of in Gears 3. While the campaign of the third installment is epic (pun intended) the real meat and potatoes of the game are Versus, Beast, and Horde modes. They're what you're going to be playing the majority of the time, and by God they're worth it. Versus mode is the typical player vs. player games which are always fun. As always, hiding around corners and chainsawing guys as they nonchalantly run past is great fun, if a little cheap. But hey, kills are kills and thats what versus is all about. Just watch out for the guys with the new sawed-off shotguns, they're slow, but you will lose every close quarter encounter aginst one of these in the hands of a mildly capable player, so keep your distance. Beast mode is a great new addition that lets you essentially play horde, but as the Locust. You start with a certain amount of money, and everytime you die you use that money to spawn as the baddie character of your choosing. The tickers are fun, effective, and cheap to buy for the early levels. The Boomer is somewhat expensive but packs a big punch, and the giant serapede, armored kantus, and berserker at the higher levels are fun and capable of completely fucking shit up. The jewel of the game, however, has got to be the new horde mode and that is what I spend most of my Gears time doing. Differences from the classic horde mode in Gears 2 include the awesome new fortifications that you can build with the money you earn slayin the baddies. You buy an intitial base at the beginning of the game, and from there you can build fences, machine gun turrets, sentry guns, and decoys to mess with and kill the enemy as you attempt to keep them at bay. Between rounds you have thirty seconds to do all your fortifying, so don't get caught on the other side of the map at the end the round and miss out on reloading your machine gun. The fortifications make some maps more defendable than others, and when looking for a good defensive position you should first look for a base with few approaches (two is good, Overpass has a base with only one approach). You should also take note of what you can buy at a given base. Having the map's heavy weapon in or near your base is always a plus, especially for the boss waves. The hammer of dawn is a good heavy weapon on just about all maps, the mortar is good on open maps without a lot of overhead cover, and the mulcher is good down hallways and other fuck em up trap areas. Another thing to look for is how easily can you get the fuck out of your base if shit starts getting real, as it always does. Having a decent fall back point that isn't a main spawn point of the bad guys can keep you alive for a few extra rounds. When you start the game check out what defenses you can buy around your base. You want to have a turret for sure, they help out when the lancer isn't quite cutting it anymore. Fences are good for slowing the enemy down and sentry guns do relatively weak but sustained damaged making those tough bad guys not so tough. Decoys just make the enemy look stupid as they focus their attention (and bullets) on cardboard cut-outs and mannequins. Dumbasses, thats why you deserve to get chainsawed.....Anyways once you have your base established you can either save your money for bigger upgrades, like the relentlessly powerful, never run out of ammo, kill every living thing within view silverback ($12,500, no chump change), or start buying fences and the like. Either way, upgrade your fortifications as fast as you can and keep them from getting destroyed, as nothing sucks worse than dropping 4 grand on a red laser fence and then having to do it again in the next round (this is a sure way to not get far noobs). Sometimes one fortification will help another be more effective. For example, buying a decoy and then a machine gun that overlooks it will not only protect the decoy from some damage, but will allow the machine gunner to obliterate the locust who are pathetically trying to kill it. Throughout the levels you continue to expand and upgrade your defenses and try to hold out as long as possible. Eventually you will all be dead however, unless you can get to and beat the 50th wave. In a matchmaking game, it doesn't really seem possible to reach this lofty video game acheivement. There are too many people not in it for the team (yeah I'm talking to you guys who run right past me when I'm downed and don't help you selfish bastards). These people, however, are assholes. For those qualifyed gamers out there, get four of your nerdiest, most badass friends and get the fuck in a horde game STAT. Make sure you can communicate and play smart and level 50 should be yours in no time.

Note: Try to keep your bloodlust to a reasonable level while playing Gears of War 3 or risk upsetting roomates, neighbors, or sleeping girlfriends with your terrifying war cries.

Slywalker