Retro Movie Review: Revenge of the NERRRRDSS!!!!

Hello ladies and gentleman! I'm back to bring you another retro movie review. Now, aside from having a lust for steel and being able to transform into a giant snake, Thulsa Doom is a man of the people, therefore I will be bringing a new retro (read 80's) movie review every week, starting with this review right now! Nay, not just any retro movie review, but perhaps the most appropriate review this blog will ever produce: "Revenge of the Nerds!"

The film starts out like any good 80's comedy, both introducing us to the films main players and showing their particular quirks that will dictate the events of the movie. In this case? Just how nerdy they really are! Lewis and Gilbert are about to embark on the great adventure that is college. Of course, they are attending the prestigious Adams College, renowned for its, and I quote, "Computer Program." Computer Design? Computer Data Analysis? Software Developing? Nope, just "Computer Program." In any case, when they arrive they realize that what they thought would be a booze and lady filled series of hijinks is actually going to be a nightmare in which they are mocked and ridiculed by their popular "jock" peers. (Everyone at Adams College is a nerd or a jock it seems...awesome.) While walking down Greek Row, they happen to cross paths with the dreaded Alpha Beta house, and boy howdy do those guys hate nerds. Inexplicably, the Beta's loveable and violent meathead "Ogre" is holding a man upside down from his feet over the edge of a three story building with coeds everywhere laughing and cheering him on. Ogre, catching sight of Lewis and Gilbert, drops the man (to what I would assume is his death) in order to start screaming, "Nerds!" Did that man die? Who cares!

I would like to take a moment to point out that one of the reasons I love this movie is the fact that it is grounded not even slightly in reality. Case in point, Ogre can't even put full sentences together, and actually looks like he has Downs Syndrome, but he is on the football team! And he loves beer! He's awesome!

In any case, after the same Alpha Beta's burnt down their frat house after a night of drunken fire fueled antics, they decide that they need a new place to stay. And in another example of "80's movie" logic, the head football coach overrides the Dean of Adams College, and tosses the freshman out of their dorm so the Beta's have a new place to get loaded and party constantly. Amen.

This turns out to be a blessing in disguise, as in their new home, the basketball court of the school gymnasium, Lewis and Gilbert meet a rag tag bunch of misfits and they all become fast friends. There is Lamar, the openly gay black nerd. Booger, the revolting nerd who loves pot and picking his nose. And Takashi, the Japanese stereotype nerd! There are many others, including Wormser, a teenager who possesses unusual intelligence for his age, and is a master of aerodynamics. All of these nerds bring something to the table, and at one point use their particular skill set to progress the plot, or at least create some classic comedic situations.

In an effort to battle the dreaded Beta's and the control they hold over the Greek council (and somehow the entire school as a result?) the Nerds must join the only fraternity that will hear them out, Lambda Lambda Lambda. Of course the "Tri-Lambs" are an all black fraternity. Believe you me buddy, the awkward juxtaposition of a party full of nerdy white kids and stoic black men is absolutely hilarious. And when this party is saved by Booger and his "Super Joints," well you have a viewing experience not to be missed.

I wont give all of the movie away, but Revenge of the Nerds has it all. Casual racism? Check. Casual rape that ends up being ok cause the guy was good at it? Check. Panty Raids, Breaking and Entering, Home Invasion, and Assault all shown in a comical and warm-hearted way with no repercussions? Check. John Goodman who plays the bitter football coach who hates nerds and inexplicably runs the school? Check. And perhaps aside from all that the best part is the message at the end of the movie, because believe it or not there is a brief five to ten minute stretch where the film takes itself seriously. Just because somebody acts or looks different does not make them your enemy. And just because someone is smart, or aspires for knowledge, does not make them a loser. In a world where it seems to be increasingly popular to be a talentless moron and get paid for it, (ex. reality television, recent movies with talentless actors, the fact that Casey Anthony will soon most likely be a millionaire for being awesome at lying and murdering her own child) and where American children are becoming more obese and less intelligent with each passing year, its nice to see a group of like minded individuals using their brains collectively for good. And though "Revenge of the Nerds" may not be the most likely movie to invoke such emotions, that is what I get out of it when I dig deep enough. Plus there are some pretty gratuitous boob scenes!

In summary, rent this movie or watch it on Netflix. And if you have already seen it do yourself a favor and see it again, for the true test of a good 80's movie is the fact that you are smiling the whole time while watching it, despite how cheesy and dated it is. And in that sense, "Revenge of the Nerds" delivers in spades. With that I leave you with what many industry analysts have deemed "The greatest single scene in cinematic history." The nerd Talent Show performance!