Video games are no stranger to creepy, scary, off-putting characters. Silent Hill's Pyramid Head, Metal Gear's Psychomantis, Bioshock's Kid Sisters, F.E.A.R.'s Alma Wade, Toad.....yes Toad.....Why are you always hanging in Bowser's digs? What are you really up to? For that matter, what the hell are you? A mushroom? A person? A horrible genetic experiment gone wrong? If I consume any part of you will I undergo a psychodelic mind altering experience? WHAT ARE YOU?! But I digress....
The focus of my post is the character which I believe to be one of the creepiest creations in video game history.....Kirby. We're talking about a being who can wholly consume and instantly digest any living thing at will. "Oh, so you're a 7 foot, 400 lb demon-spawned warrior with an RPG in one hand and a sword made of fire in the other? No Problem, I'll just SWALLOW you before you can blink." And if that wasn't fucked up enough in it of itself.....he gains whatever powers or abilities his victims possessed. What's that? You've dedicated your entire life to honing and perfecting this one particular skill, foregoing all other endeavors and life experiences, just so you can be the best in the world.....Ok, I'll just eat you and then I get to be best at whatever it was that you were so good at. You might say, "But, Pat, it's Kirby! He's just this cuddly little pink marshmallow." And I would say, "You're absolutely right." His appearance his his worst offense of all. He is a soul sucking wad of bubblegum from hell. How dare he try to pass himself off as cute and innocent. Below is a sketch of the little monster from my point of view.
A couple of points about this:
1. I was drunk when I started this.
2. I picture him emitting some creepy hissing noise whenever I look at this
3. Yes that's crayon I used for the coloring.....I'm experimenting....
4. A lot of my hostility on this issue stems from playing Smash Brothers. If you used Kirby on the regular in those games.....and just floated around doing that one brick drop move over and over...well, Fuck You!
Namaste
Wow, you make some great points. Come to think of it, there was a lot of underlying creepiness in classic video games. Oh, and I totally used Kirby cheaply in Super Smash Bros.!
ReplyDeleteand why are there ads for Kirby vacuums next this post?! Brrr (shiver) I'll never get to sleep tonight!
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