Sir Simon’s Completely All-Inclusive, Exhaustively Researched Top 5 Nerdy References in Rock, Volume 1.0.0

Phasers on Kill- Screeching Weasel

Seminal Chicago pop punk band Screeching Weasel have been doin’ it since before many of you nerds were even born. (See what I did there? I suggested someone was actually reading this, even though I know it’s not true. Exhibit A: PI IS EXACTLY THREE! I rest my case.) It doesn’t get much better than a fantasy whereby Capt. Kirk visits frontman Ben Weasel, punches him in the mouth, crashes on his couch, then agrees to kill his ex-girlfriend with the aforementioned Phaser, set on kill. If intergalactic space travel were indeed possible, Mr. Weasel would far rather leverage his acquaintance with a Captain in the United Federation of Planets Star Fleet to solicit murder than to, you know, boldly go anywhere. That’s punk, my friends.

Private Eye- Alkaline Trio

Another legendary Chicago band, the Alkaline Trio have let their dork flag fly and their Chicago flag tattoos show on many, many occasions. (A favorite lyric of mine: “If assholes could fly/this place would be busier than O’Hare.” Outstanding.) A perfect example is Private Eye, where the second verse finds Matt Skiba lamenting that “New Year’s Eve was as boring as Heaven/I watched flies fuck on Channel 11.” For all of our readers not from the Chicagoland area (Readers! Ha! I did it again!), Channel 11 is a reference to WTTW, Chicago’s PBS station. Way to keep it real, boys. Real nerdy.

In the Garage- Weezer

Dorkdom in rock is nothing new. Buddy Holly began the trend, Devo held the banner, but Weezer is the modern epitome. While there is rarely a song that doesn’t contain some nerdy reference (at least on Weezer’s self-titled album and on “Pinkerton.” I’ve honestly never listened to any album released after these two.), no other song gets as dorky as “In the Garage,” off of what’s come to be known as the Blue Album. Describing a haven where he is “safe” and “no one laughs,” Rivers Cuomo describes the décor (KISS posters, his favorite rock group) and his musical habits (playing stupid songs, writing stupid words). It is, however, the dungeon master’s guide and the 12-sided die that really show that, though he may be one of the most recognizable rock musicians alive, he’s a gigantic dork. Use the 3+ Broad Sword, and rock.

Istanbul, Not Constantinople- They Might Be Giants

They Might Be Giants inhabit this odd netherworld of rock that hovers ever so precariously over the precipice of novelty. Not quite Weird Al, yet not quite Ween, they are versatile, talented, and very very goofy. It should come as no surprise, then, that their jams are chockfull of references to the nerdy. They’ve referenced recording company the Longines Symphonette Society (“it doesn’t rest”) as well as releasing an album named in tribute to NASA (“Apollo 18”) and three albums aimed at teaching children stuff (“Here Come the ABCs,” “Here Come the 123s,” and “Here Comes Science”). My favorite dork reference, however, comes in the form of the confusion created when the Turks of Turkey decided to change the name of their largest city from Constantinople to Istanbul. “Every girl in Constantinople/Lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople/So, if you’ve a date in Constantinople/She’ll be waiting in Istanbul.” They Might Be Giants just lovingly suggested that you might have any kind of date, even one as specific as with a Turkish girl. Thank the kind gentlemen.

S.R.- Reel Big Fish
Ska. Is there truly any nerdier genre in rock? The band-geek chic mentality, the brutal and unending affirmation of one's place within the scene, the nearly defiant challenge for someone to sound off on why they suck? The subject of ska as a whole will wait for a later post, but one song embodies the dorky ethos that is ska. That song is "S.R." by those O.C. O.G.s, Reel Big Fish. Suburban Rhythm was a band contemporary with Reel Big Fish, Save Ferris, Sublime, and No Doubt, bands that would ignite America's woefully short love affair with ska. Only releasing one album, Suburban Rhythm fell victim to in-fighting and broke up shortly after they began. However, their influence was felt throughout the O.C. scene, not least of all by Reel Big Fish, who pleaded with them "Please don't go, Suburban Rhythm/All the other bands are just shit." Every other band is shit. Every one. Except Reel Big Fish's favorite band. They're right, you're wrong. They're nerds, of course they know better.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Disagreements? Is anybody out there? Comment!