Showing posts with label "Sir Simon Milligan". Show all posts
Showing posts with label "Sir Simon Milligan". Show all posts

Monday, July 25, 2011

Sir Simon’s Top 5 Television Dramas Whose Awesomeness is Directly Proportionate to the Crappiness of the Theme Music

Firefly



Poor, set-upon Joss Whedon. He just can’t get a break. I mean, sure, he created Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a show that lasted for 7 seasons and spawned a nearly-as-successful spin-off in Angel. And sure, the appropriately named Buffyverse continues in the guise of comic books, trade paperback adaptations, and an unending flow of fan fiction. And fine, Buffy studies has actually been recognized as an academic pursuit by otherwise respected scholars. And OK! there are the other projects of Whedon’s that have met with success, like Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, Dollhouse, and, if the readership of this blog has their say, the upcoming Avengers film that Whedon will direct.


But Firefly… FIREFLY! Due to mismanaging by the good people at Fox, what could have been an enduring tale of intergalactic cowboys was doomed to become among the most lamented early cancellations since the original Star Trek. Fanboys and -girls to this day mourn the day that we lost Firefly.


But, sweet googily moogily, the THEME… eww!



Firefly



I mean, for realsies, the crew of the Firefly Class ship Serenity were a band of misfits so vividly rendered that their images were forever burned into our psyches from the end of the first episode. Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, fearless veteran of the Unification War and leader of his ragtag bunch, would take on any job, so long as it was honorable, and it paid. Warrior Woman Zoe, Reynolds’ trusted lieutenant since the end of the War, proudly upheld the Whedonesque tradition of having a hot woman character that invariably kicks ass. Wash, brilliant pilot and Zoe’s husband, provided brilliant, goofy comic relief, from the first episode where we witness him playing with toy dinosaurs (“Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!”). Kaylee is the mechanical prodigy who also happens to be cute as the dickens. And then there’s Jayne Cobb, a man proudly in the vein of Johnny Cash’s “A Boy Named Sue,” all muscle and very little brains.



Firefly



Then there’re the passengers, who in time would become members of the crew. Shepherd Book, a man of the cloth who possesses skills that most priests don’t have, like marksmanship and martial arts. Simon Tam, brilliant doctor from the Central planets of the Alliance. And Simon’s little sister River, a genius who has been the victim of psychological and neurophysiologic experiments by a shadowy arm of the Alliance government.


The interweaving of the overarching plot of discovering the nature and reasoning of River’s experiments, the individual moneymaking jobs Capt. Reynolds hires out for, and encounters with a roving band of maniacs known as Reavers, and this show could have lasted indefinitely but for the criminal botch job perpetrated by Fox in playing episodes out of order, not promoting properly, and then canning the show after just one season. Firefly remains a moment of television perfection preserved in amber, its beauty forever present to behold, but never to be experienced again.


The show had only one visible flaw.



Firefly



The show’s theme song was, for lack of a better description, western. A slow, mellow dirge involving the banjo, fiddle, and guitar. Written by Joss Whedon himself, the song evokes images of dust and old wood, the tangy sweetness of bad whiskey, and, tellingly, the smell of horse manure.


The lyrics of the song are pretty banal. “Take my love, take my land/take me till I cannot stand/I don’t care, I’m still free/you can’t take the sky from me.” The imagery of the sky is apropos, since these cowboys don’t drive cows, they fly through space and rob stuff. But the repetition of the words, set against a vocal melody that is one step removed from monotone, is not quite annoying, but pretty damn close. The presence of blues legend Sonny Rhodes singing on the track does nothing but suggest that perhaps Mr. Rhodes had some debts that needed paying and Mr. Whedon came along with an attractive offer at a very opportune time.



Firefly



Firefly was my first experience with the work of Joss Whedon (unless you count the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie starring Kristy Swanson, which I don’t). I’ve since become a fan, voraciously consuming the entirety of the televised Buffy series, Angel, and Dollhouse. Whedon’s imagination, creativity, and attention to detail have won over a well-deserved cult of followers. Firefly is perhaps the best-realized example of Whedon’s brilliance, and the fact that it did not receive the opportunity to fully blossom is a bummer that is difficult to overcome. Seriously, I often get emotional just thinking of what could have been. I’ve seen the entire series of Firefly three times, and every time I’m excited at the right parts, saddened at the others, and depressed when it’s over, knowing there will never be another episode.

And then the theme song plays over the closing credits, and I turn off the tv.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Sir Simon’s Completely All-Inclusive, Exhaustively Researched Top 5 Nerdy References in Rock, Volume 1.0.0

Phasers on Kill- Screeching Weasel


Seminal Chicago pop punk band Screeching Weasel have been doin’ it since before many of you nerds were even born. (See what I did there? I suggested someone was actually reading this, even though I know it’s not true. Exhibit A: PI IS EXACTLY THREE! I rest my case.) It doesn’t get much better than a fantasy whereby Capt. Kirk visits frontman Ben Weasel, punches him in the mouth, crashes on his couch, then agrees to kill his ex-girlfriend with the aforementioned Phaser, set on kill. If intergalactic space travel were indeed possible, Mr. Weasel would far rather leverage his acquaintance with a Captain in the United Federation of Planets Star Fleet to solicit murder than to, you know, boldly go anywhere. That’s punk, my friends.



Private Eye- Alkaline Trio


Another legendary Chicago band, the Alkaline Trio have let their dork flag fly and their Chicago flag tattoos show on many, many occasions. (A favorite lyric of mine: “If assholes could fly/this place would be busier than O’Hare.” Outstanding.) A perfect example is Private Eye, where the second verse finds Matt Skiba lamenting that “New Year’s Eve was as boring as Heaven/I watched flies fuck on Channel 11.” For all of our readers not from the Chicagoland area (Readers! Ha! I did it again!), Channel 11 is a reference to WTTW, Chicago’s PBS station. Way to keep it real, boys. Real nerdy.



In the Garage- Weezer


Dorkdom in rock is nothing new. Buddy Holly began the trend, Devo held the banner, but Weezer is the modern epitome. While there is rarely a song that doesn’t contain some nerdy reference (at least on Weezer’s self-titled album and on “Pinkerton.” I’ve honestly never listened to any album released after these two.), no other song gets as dorky as “In the Garage,” off of what’s come to be known as the Blue Album. Describing a haven where he is “safe” and “no one laughs,” Rivers Cuomo describes the décor (KISS posters, his favorite rock group) and his musical habits (playing stupid songs, writing stupid words). It is, however, the dungeon master’s guide and the 12-sided die that really show that, though he may be one of the most recognizable rock musicians alive, he’s a gigantic dork. Use the 3+ Broad Sword, and rock.



Istanbul, Not Constantinople- They Might Be Giants

They Might Be Giants inhabit this odd netherworld of rock that hovers ever so precariously over the precipice of novelty. Not quite Weird Al, yet not quite Ween, they are versatile, talented, and very very goofy. It should come as no surprise, then, that their jams are chockfull of references to the nerdy. They’ve referenced recording company the Longines Symphonette Society (“it doesn’t rest”) as well as releasing an album named in tribute to NASA (“Apollo 18”) and three albums aimed at teaching children stuff (“Here Come the ABCs,” “Here Come the 123s,” and “Here Comes Science”). My favorite dork reference, however, comes in the form of the confusion created when the Turks of Turkey decided to change the name of their largest city from Constantinople to Istanbul. “Every girl in Constantinople/Lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople/So, if you’ve a date in Constantinople/She’ll be waiting in Istanbul.” They Might Be Giants just lovingly suggested that you might have any kind of date, even one as specific as with a Turkish girl. Thank the kind gentlemen.

S.R.- Reel Big Fish
Ska. Is there truly any nerdier genre in rock? The band-geek chic mentality, the brutal and unending affirmation of one's place within the scene, the nearly defiant challenge for someone to sound off on why they suck? The subject of ska as a whole will wait for a later post, but one song embodies the dorky ethos that is ska. That song is "S.R." by those O.C. O.G.s, Reel Big Fish. Suburban Rhythm was a band contemporary with Reel Big Fish, Save Ferris, Sublime, and No Doubt, bands that would ignite America's woefully short love affair with ska. Only releasing one album, Suburban Rhythm fell victim to in-fighting and broke up shortly after they began. However, their influence was felt throughout the O.C. scene, not least of all by Reel Big Fish, who pleaded with them "Please don't go, Suburban Rhythm/All the other bands are just shit." Every other band is shit. Every one. Except Reel Big Fish's favorite band. They're right, you're wrong. They're nerds, of course they know better.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Disagreements? Is anybody out there? Comment!