Nerd Love Part II

   Hey Guys! Part deux of Nerd Love here, Hope you enjoy it. And remember I always appreciate positive compliments about how awesome I am, also I like candy if you're in the giving mood.

Nerds Do It Better

Nerd Love (part 2)

(next afternoon. Brent walks into a comic book shop called Variant Lifestyle)

(A girl behind the counter)

Gwen: Brent! Thank god, I thought you killed yourself.

Brent: What? Gwen I saw you last week, why would you think I would kill myself?

Gwen: You laugh too much

Brent: I laugh too much?

Gwen: Yep, it’s always the ones who laugh a lot

Brent: So if I found less joy in life I would be less likely to suffer from depression?

Gwen: Exactly

Brent: I’ll work on it

Gwen: please do (she grabs Brent’s face) I worry about you

Brent: Thanks, where’s Greg?           

Gwen: upstairs signing for a delivery, will you remind him of our conversation? He’ll know which one

Brent: uh sure…I guess

(walks into the back and upstairs. Entering an office bumps into deliver girl)

Delivery girl: Oh hello

Brent: hello yourself, I find that phrase very offensive

Delivery girl: You find hello offensive?

Brent: Yes especially from attractive women. Makes it sound very insincere.

Delivery girl: Are you flirting with me?

Brent: I thought maybe I was but now I’m not so sure

Delivery girl: You’ll do better next time (she walks away)

Brent: So there’s a next time? (she leaves store)

(entering office, Greg is shifting random papers around)

Brent: who was that?

Greg: oh that was delivery girl Dawn

Brent: she’s cute

Greg: yeah she’s always the one who brings in our stuff from out of town suppliers, I think she makes Gwen jealous.

Brent: yeah she wanted me to remind you of some conversation?

Greg: HA yeah she caught me ogling dawns delivery truck

Brent: A worthy ogle

Greg: she said if she caught me again she would hunt Dawn down and force me to watch her slice her back end off

Brent: …your wife is a strange broad. You’re a lucky man.

Greg: don’t I know it, now let’s get to business. I have a couple options for tracking down your nerdy paramour.

Brent: I’m already scared

Greg: First, all night laser tag match downtown next week

Brent: sounds fun but will there be girls there

Greg: Yeah sure there will

Brent: adult girls?

Greg: well if you’re going to be nitpicky we can just stop this now

Brent: Next

Greg: There is a prostitute that hangs out in front of this diner a few blocks away and she complimented me on my TARDIS t-shirt so I figure-

Brent: STOP. What is the matter with you?

Greg: ok ok just trying to find the line

Brent: can you please take this seriously?

Greg: I am. I think you are going to like my next option

Brent: I’m all ears

Greg: Gwen’s brother Jerry is throwing a costume party on Saturday and he has a lot of single girl friends who will be attending. AND the theme is obscure characters from sci-fi movies

Brent: well I’m ridiculously in!

Greg: I thought so, I’m going as Lobot

Brent: Lando Calrissian’s administrative aide?

Greg: yep

Brent: nice

(at a diner with Greg and Gwen)

Brent: so what should I go as?

Greg: Of all the people fishing for ideas…

Brent: yeah it’s just two days away though, so little time to prepare

Greg: We should get the female perspective

Brent: well we could get Gwen’s perspective but it wouldn’t be very female

Gwen: …

Greg: ok what’s going on with you? You haven’t said anything the whole meal.

Gwen: …

Greg: I’m frightened

Brent: (panicking) Should we run? Should I run?

Gwen: What? Oh no sorry. I’m just trying to figure out why you haven’t brought up any of my friends?

Brent: Friends?

Gwen: My friends, Susan, Gabby, Joyce? You said they were all nice but that you weren’t looking for anything serious at the time, ringing any bells?

Greg: Ha

Brent: oh. Yeah they were really nice

Gwen: Yeah and you had many similar interests with all of them.

Brent: Yeah, yeah I did but they weren’t really…my type?

Gwen: Why?! You said they were great.

Brent: uh, ok when a guy says a girl is nice-

Greg: Duuude

Brent: How much damage could she cause?

Greg: It’s on your conscience, man.

Brent: When I guy says a girl is nice he means two things. One, that she probably was indeed nice and two, that she probably wasn’t that attractive.

Gwen: What?

Brent: yeah, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s a rather polite system I think.

Gwen: So when you said you thought my cousin was very sweet?

Greg: Fat

Brent: …A few extra pounds

Gwen: You actually said my friend Georgina wasn’t that attractive…

Greg: Hellhound

Brent: That may not have been her fault though, I think it was a full moon that night.

Gwen: Ugh…I told her to wax before going. But girls have similar codes as well.

Brent: like what?

Gwen: He’s a great guy.

Greg: ouch

Brent: That’s not good.

Gwen: He’s funny but any random excuse.

Greg: ow

Brent: That one stings.

Greg: yeah that is something we need to discuss, many nerds may not be up to your standard of…aesthetics

Gwen: oh don’t be so shallow

Brent: No he’s right, we of the nerdy persuasion are not always the most attractive.

Gwen: I consider us fairly attractive.

Greg: yeah but we weren’t always, remember high school?

Gwen: My lack of breasts at the time did lead to ridicule.

Greg: I may not have been the thinnest.

Brent: Wasn’t till sophomore year of college I got rid of all that damn acne.

Gwen: You should go as Gaff from Blade Runner.

Greg: Ha!

Brent: Well that was uncalled for, I do already have the cane and origami skills though.

Greg: I love you

Gwen: I know it

(they kiss)

Brent: Eck. Stop before I vomit on my meatloaf and gravy (looks at food) …I’d probably eat it anyway

(Walking from the diner)

Greg: Then he said it was all about the HENjamins.

Gwen: …I don’t get it

Brent: That’s because it was terrible.

(transsexual prostitute on the corner)

Prostitute: Hey Greggy

Greg: Hey Janice

Gwen: (stairs at Greg)

Brent: THAT is the prostitute you were talking about? She is clearly a man!

Greg: What’s your point?

Brent: God damn it Greg! What if I had agreed to that option?

Greg: I was kinda hoping you would.

Brent: (disgusted) Bleeeeh just BLEH (walks away)

Greg: See you at the party! (to Gwen) Should we go home and fool around?

Gwen: that seems in order.

Janice: Later guys

Greg and Gwen: Bye Janice.

Nerd Love Part I

  Greetings my fair nerdy brothers and sisters! I haven't posted an article in what feels like forever and I thought I would come back with one that is bursting at the seems with awesome. At least I think so anyway. I have been working on a play or screenplay or tempered ramblings of a mad man, whatever you want to call it, and i thought I would post it up as it got completed. I write mainly dialogue and the bare minimum of detail, I leave that to the imagination and also find it boring to write.
    If you have any criticisms please make them constructive but fair warning all criticisms, good or bad, will largely be ignored. So with that said I give you the first chapter/act/couple of pages of Nerd Love

enjoy
Nerds Do It Better

Nerd Love

                                   I’ve never been alone but I’ve never been lucky either

(at a cheap apartment near downtown Chicago)

Woman: We just don’t have anything in common.                                                                             

Brent: I’m not sure that matters, I mean it’s nice but highly overrated.                                                

Woman: You are OBSESSED with Star Trek

Brent: uh not really I’m more into Star Wars I feel the action and addition of some fantasy elemen-

Woman: See? No one cares!

Brent: Wha-! Well now you’re just being hurtful.

Woman: I don’t care Brent I’m leaving.

Brent: Pshh where will you go?

Woman: I’ve been seeing a guy across town (grabs her bags) Goodbye

Brent: Yeah, good, I’ve been seeing someone too, across (door closes) …my imagination.

(two weeks later at apartment, Greg enters and Brent sits soiled on the couch)

Greg: Jesus man, have you left the apartment at all this week?

Brent: Why would I? I work from home and there’s a 7-11 downstairs.

Greg: what have you been living on?

Brent: Fritos and… (reaches under couch and grabs bag) chili flavored Fritos.

Greg: Tell me you don’t go downstairs looking like that

Brent: I put sweatpants on

Greg: ok were going to the pub.

Brent: Fine but I’m wearing my sweatpants

( At Irish pub, Brent is cleaned up and wearing appropriate yet super casual clothing)

Greg: told you they wouldn’t let you in wearing a wife beater and several layers of shamelessness.

Brent: Fascists

Greg: So what’s going on man? I haven’t seen you at the shop in awhile, makes me worried you might be spending your time reading educational high-end literature.

Brent: (Gasp) perish the thought.

Greg: Answer the question.

Brent: What do you want me to say? I just haven’t been into the whole “world” thing.

Greg: This isn’t about her is it?

Brent: No, GOD no, I wouldn’t get back with her if you paid me. I was relieved when we broke up to be honest.

Greg: Then what is it?

Brent: …I’ve had some great, kind girls in my time but none of them ever really got me.

Greg: that’s not true what about-

Brent: No she understood me on a day to day basis but that’s not the same thing.

Greg: Soooo What? You’ve given up on the world because you’re tired of dating?

Brent: No, I’m tired of wasting my time on girls who I know I will just end up breaking up with. I want THE girl, one who loves star wars and going to midnight showings of terrible movies, whose witty and reads for fun, I guess I want a girl who is as complicated as me.

Greg: You are very Doctor…y

Brent: That’s it, I’m The Doctor without a companion.

Greg: Well if you wanted to date someone that much younger than you you would have to date an infant.

Brent:  she wouldn’t talk too much.

Greg: Yeah but she wouldn’t be able to hold her booze

Brent: True (they clink glasses and finish their pints)

Greg: You’re after a unicorn man but I can guarantee you won’t find it hiding in your room covered in dandruff and chili stains.

Brent: (sigh) Yeah I know but where do you start?

Greg: right here, right now. There are plenty of women at this bar.

Brent:  Oh man I don’t know…

Greg: I do. Come on you’re Hon and I’m Chewy, scratch that, you’re Chewy. Now let’s go slap this night with your presumably hairy cock.  

Brent: …Ok

(at table talking to two women)

Greg: So how do you two know each other?

Woman 1: We work together at the bank down the street

Brent: Cool, what do you guys do for fun?

Woman 2: We calculate the best interest rates for people applying for loans.

Brent: Oh. No, I said fun

Woman 2: I know

Brent: …ah

(Next table)

Brent: So are you here often?

Woman: No I just come to bars to help people from time to time.

Brent: That’s nice, help them how.

Woman: I try to convince people to abandon a life of sin and embrace Jesus Christ as their lord and savior.

Brent: …neat

Woman: Have you embraced Jesus?

Brent: (looks at Greg)

(next girl, at bar)

Woman: Rough night?

Brent: yeah you could say that. Nice stamp. ( stamp on woman’s hand)

Woman: Thanks just got back from a concert.

Brent: Nice what kind of music are you into?

Woman: oh I’m a country girl through and through

Brent: (Stands and walks away)

(leaving the bar)

Brent: Well this sucked

Greg: yeah

Brent: This didn’t just suck it was exceptionally terrible

Greg: yep

Brent: Like “I woke up and realized I forgot to turn off my gas oven and my cat who sleeps in front of it suffocated to death” horrible.

Greg: It was pretty bad

Brent: we need to stop coming to this bar, it’s full of nightmares and hopelessness.

Greg: ok fair enough but you’re looking for a nerdy girl, right?

Brent: that’s the gist of it yes

Greg: Then you need to go to nerdy places, meet me at the store tomorrow before close and we will come up with a game plan.

Brent: sounds like a semblance of an idea

Greg: good, still think you should have tried your luck with the Jesus freak, she seemed slutty.

Brent: Shut the fuck up Greg.