Nerd Love Part I

  Greetings my fair nerdy brothers and sisters! I haven't posted an article in what feels like forever and I thought I would come back with one that is bursting at the seems with awesome. At least I think so anyway. I have been working on a play or screenplay or tempered ramblings of a mad man, whatever you want to call it, and i thought I would post it up as it got completed. I write mainly dialogue and the bare minimum of detail, I leave that to the imagination and also find it boring to write.
    If you have any criticisms please make them constructive but fair warning all criticisms, good or bad, will largely be ignored. So with that said I give you the first chapter/act/couple of pages of Nerd Love

enjoy
Nerds Do It Better

Nerd Love

                                   I’ve never been alone but I’ve never been lucky either

(at a cheap apartment near downtown Chicago)

Woman: We just don’t have anything in common.                                                                             

Brent: I’m not sure that matters, I mean it’s nice but highly overrated.                                                

Woman: You are OBSESSED with Star Trek

Brent: uh not really I’m more into Star Wars I feel the action and addition of some fantasy elemen-

Woman: See? No one cares!

Brent: Wha-! Well now you’re just being hurtful.

Woman: I don’t care Brent I’m leaving.

Brent: Pshh where will you go?

Woman: I’ve been seeing a guy across town (grabs her bags) Goodbye

Brent: Yeah, good, I’ve been seeing someone too, across (door closes) …my imagination.

(two weeks later at apartment, Greg enters and Brent sits soiled on the couch)

Greg: Jesus man, have you left the apartment at all this week?

Brent: Why would I? I work from home and there’s a 7-11 downstairs.

Greg: what have you been living on?

Brent: Fritos and… (reaches under couch and grabs bag) chili flavored Fritos.

Greg: Tell me you don’t go downstairs looking like that

Brent: I put sweatpants on

Greg: ok were going to the pub.

Brent: Fine but I’m wearing my sweatpants

( At Irish pub, Brent is cleaned up and wearing appropriate yet super casual clothing)

Greg: told you they wouldn’t let you in wearing a wife beater and several layers of shamelessness.

Brent: Fascists

Greg: So what’s going on man? I haven’t seen you at the shop in awhile, makes me worried you might be spending your time reading educational high-end literature.

Brent: (Gasp) perish the thought.

Greg: Answer the question.

Brent: What do you want me to say? I just haven’t been into the whole “world” thing.

Greg: This isn’t about her is it?

Brent: No, GOD no, I wouldn’t get back with her if you paid me. I was relieved when we broke up to be honest.

Greg: Then what is it?

Brent: …I’ve had some great, kind girls in my time but none of them ever really got me.

Greg: that’s not true what about-

Brent: No she understood me on a day to day basis but that’s not the same thing.

Greg: Soooo What? You’ve given up on the world because you’re tired of dating?

Brent: No, I’m tired of wasting my time on girls who I know I will just end up breaking up with. I want THE girl, one who loves star wars and going to midnight showings of terrible movies, whose witty and reads for fun, I guess I want a girl who is as complicated as me.

Greg: You are very Doctor…y

Brent: That’s it, I’m The Doctor without a companion.

Greg: Well if you wanted to date someone that much younger than you you would have to date an infant.

Brent:  she wouldn’t talk too much.

Greg: Yeah but she wouldn’t be able to hold her booze

Brent: True (they clink glasses and finish their pints)

Greg: You’re after a unicorn man but I can guarantee you won’t find it hiding in your room covered in dandruff and chili stains.

Brent: (sigh) Yeah I know but where do you start?

Greg: right here, right now. There are plenty of women at this bar.

Brent:  Oh man I don’t know…

Greg: I do. Come on you’re Hon and I’m Chewy, scratch that, you’re Chewy. Now let’s go slap this night with your presumably hairy cock.  

Brent: …Ok

(at table talking to two women)

Greg: So how do you two know each other?

Woman 1: We work together at the bank down the street

Brent: Cool, what do you guys do for fun?

Woman 2: We calculate the best interest rates for people applying for loans.

Brent: Oh. No, I said fun

Woman 2: I know

Brent: …ah

(Next table)

Brent: So are you here often?

Woman: No I just come to bars to help people from time to time.

Brent: That’s nice, help them how.

Woman: I try to convince people to abandon a life of sin and embrace Jesus Christ as their lord and savior.

Brent: …neat

Woman: Have you embraced Jesus?

Brent: (looks at Greg)

(next girl, at bar)

Woman: Rough night?

Brent: yeah you could say that. Nice stamp. ( stamp on woman’s hand)

Woman: Thanks just got back from a concert.

Brent: Nice what kind of music are you into?

Woman: oh I’m a country girl through and through

Brent: (Stands and walks away)

(leaving the bar)

Brent: Well this sucked

Greg: yeah

Brent: This didn’t just suck it was exceptionally terrible

Greg: yep

Brent: Like “I woke up and realized I forgot to turn off my gas oven and my cat who sleeps in front of it suffocated to death” horrible.

Greg: It was pretty bad

Brent: we need to stop coming to this bar, it’s full of nightmares and hopelessness.

Greg: ok fair enough but you’re looking for a nerdy girl, right?

Brent: that’s the gist of it yes

Greg: Then you need to go to nerdy places, meet me at the store tomorrow before close and we will come up with a game plan.

Brent: sounds like a semblance of an idea

Greg: good, still think you should have tried your luck with the Jesus freak, she seemed slutty.

Brent: Shut the fuck up Greg.