Nerds Do It Better
Nerd Love (part 2)
(next afternoon.
Brent walks into a comic book shop called Variant Lifestyle)
(A girl behind
the counter)Gwen: Brent! Thank god, I thought you killed yourself.
Brent: What? Gwen I saw you last week, why would you think I would kill myself?
Gwen: You laugh too much
Brent: I laugh too much?
Gwen: Yep, it’s always the ones who laugh a lot
Brent: So if I found less joy in life I would be less likely to suffer from depression?
Gwen: Exactly
Brent: I’ll work on it
Gwen: please do (she grabs Brent’s face) I worry about you
Brent: Thanks, where’s Greg?
Gwen: upstairs signing for a delivery, will you remind him of our conversation? He’ll know which one
Brent: uh sure…I guess
(walks into the back and upstairs. Entering an office bumps into deliver girl)
Delivery girl: Oh hello
Brent: hello yourself, I find that phrase very offensive
Delivery girl: You find hello offensive?
Brent: Yes especially from attractive women. Makes it sound very insincere.
Delivery girl: Are you flirting with me?
Brent: I thought maybe I was but now I’m not so sure
Delivery girl: You’ll do better next time (she walks away)
Brent: So there’s a next time? (she leaves store)
(entering office, Greg is shifting random papers around)
Brent: who was that?
Greg: oh that was delivery girl Dawn
Brent: she’s cute
Greg: yeah she’s always the one who brings in our stuff from out of town suppliers, I think she makes Gwen jealous.
Brent: yeah she wanted me to remind you of some conversation?
Greg: HA yeah she caught me ogling dawns delivery truck
Brent: A worthy ogle
Greg: she said if she caught me again she would hunt Dawn down and force me to watch her slice her back end off
Brent: …your wife is a strange broad. You’re a lucky man.
Greg: don’t I know it, now let’s get to business. I have a couple options for tracking down your nerdy paramour.
Brent: I’m already scared
Greg: First, all night laser tag match downtown next week
Brent: sounds fun but will there be girls there
Greg: Yeah sure there will
Brent: adult girls?
Greg: well if you’re going to be nitpicky we can just stop this now
Brent: Next
Greg: There is a prostitute that hangs out in front of this diner a few blocks away and she complimented me on my TARDIS t-shirt so I figure-
Brent: STOP. What is the matter with you?
Greg: ok ok just trying to find the line
Brent: can you please take this seriously?
Greg: I am. I think you are going to like my next option
Brent: I’m all ears
Greg: Gwen’s brother Jerry is throwing a costume party on Saturday and he has a lot of single girl friends who will be attending. AND the theme is obscure characters from sci-fi movies
Brent: well I’m ridiculously in!
Greg: I thought so, I’m going as Lobot
Brent: Lando Calrissian’s administrative aide?
Greg: yep
Brent: nice
(at a diner with Greg and Gwen)
Brent: so what should I go as?
Greg: Of all the people fishing for ideas…
Brent: yeah it’s just two days away though, so little time to prepare
Greg: We should get the female perspective
Brent: well we could get Gwen’s perspective but it wouldn’t be very female
Gwen: …
Greg: ok what’s going on with you? You haven’t said anything the whole meal.
Gwen: …
Greg: I’m frightened
Brent: (panicking) Should we run? Should I run?
Gwen: What? Oh no sorry. I’m just trying to figure out why you haven’t brought up any of my friends?
Brent: Friends?
Gwen: My friends, Susan, Gabby, Joyce? You said they were all nice but that you weren’t looking for anything serious at the time, ringing any bells?
Greg: Ha
Brent: oh. Yeah they were really nice
Gwen: Yeah and you had many similar interests with all of them.
Brent: Yeah, yeah I did but they weren’t really…my type?
Gwen: Why?! You said they were great.
Brent: uh, ok when a guy says a girl is nice-
Greg: Duuude
Brent: How much damage could she cause?
Greg: It’s on your conscience, man.
Brent: When I guy says a girl is nice he means two things. One, that she probably was indeed nice and two, that she probably wasn’t that attractive.
Gwen: What?
Brent: yeah, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s a rather polite system I think.
Gwen: So when you said you thought my cousin was very sweet?
Greg: Fat
Brent: …A few extra pounds
Gwen: You actually said my friend Georgina wasn’t that attractive…
Greg: Hellhound
Brent: That may not have been her fault though, I think it was a full moon that night.
Gwen: Ugh…I told her to wax before going. But girls have similar codes as well.
Brent: like what?
Gwen: He’s a great guy.
Greg: ouch
Brent: That’s not good.
Gwen: He’s funny but any random excuse.
Greg: ow
Brent: That one stings.
Greg: yeah that is something we need to discuss, many nerds may not be up to your standard of…aesthetics
Gwen: oh don’t be so shallow
Brent: No he’s right, we of the nerdy persuasion are not always the most attractive.
Gwen: I consider us fairly attractive.
Greg: yeah but we weren’t always, remember high school?
Gwen: My lack of breasts at the time did lead to ridicule.
Greg: I may not have been the thinnest.
Brent: Wasn’t till sophomore year of college I got rid of all that damn acne.
Gwen: You should go as Gaff from Blade Runner.
Greg: Ha!
Brent: Well that was uncalled for, I do already have the cane and origami skills though.
Greg: I love you
Gwen: I know it
(they kiss)
Brent: Eck. Stop before I vomit on my meatloaf and gravy (looks at food) …I’d probably eat it anyway
(Walking from the diner)
Greg: Then he said it was all about the HENjamins.
Gwen: …I don’t get it
Brent: That’s because it was terrible.
(transsexual prostitute on the corner)
Prostitute: Hey Greggy
Greg: Hey Janice
Gwen: (stairs at Greg)
Brent: THAT is the prostitute you were talking about? She is clearly a man!
Greg: What’s your point?
Brent: God damn it Greg! What if I had agreed to that option?
Greg: I was kinda hoping you would.
Brent: (disgusted) Bleeeeh just BLEH (walks away)
Greg: See you at the party! (to Gwen) Should we go home and fool around?
Gwen: that seems in order.
Janice: Later guys
Greg and Gwen: Bye Janice.
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